Wednesday, July 25, 2012

My Little Jelly Bean

I am five(almost six)months into my pregnancy with Mackenzie.Every day has been a new experience.I will admit that being pregnant is not what I expected.I have no clue what I thought it would be but I would not change it for the world.Now that I am getting ready to enter my sixth month I am starting to seriously prepare for her arrival.Making my list of things to do.What do we need to buy?Finish the baby shower guest list.Cleaning out the apartment to make room for her things.What do I need to put into my birth plan?What kind of birth will I have?Natural birth or will I get a epidural?So many other things on my list to get done.All of these things and I still have to fit in time away with the Proud Papa in September when he gets home.At the end of all of the baby plans I have to start thinking about our wedding plans for next year.So my life the next two years will be hectic as ever.But like I said before I wouldn't change it for the world because I am happy.The joy I have in my heart can not be described with words. The love I have for this little girl is more than I ever expected it to be.This journey we are about to go on will be filled with new experiences and new adventure that I am looking forward to.But while all this is going on I haven't really thought about what I am going to teach her about life.What are some things I want Mackenzie to know?I had a chance to really think about the other night while she kicked away (She's most active at night). I want Mackenzie to know that the world is at her feet.She just has to take advantage of what it has to offer.You can do and be anything that you put your mind to but you have to take advantage of all the opportunities offered.Sometimes you have to make your own way and fight for what you want.It might not be a easy fight but in the end results will feel so much better.Let no one tell you that you can't do something.Work much harder and prove them wrong.Be comfortable in your own skin.You are beautiful inside and out.Never change who you are for anyone.Take people for who they are when they show you.Everyone is not your friend but when you find a real one cherish that friendship.Treat people the way you want to be treated.It is so much that I want her to know about this world and the people in it.I have a lifetime to teach her these things.One thing is for sure though Mackenzie will be loved.She will come home to a home filled with love.A mommy and a daddy that is working hard to give her the best life we can.Aunts and Uncles that will spoil her.Grandparents that can not wait to meet her and a family that supports her.I think that whatever we miss out on teaching her a family member will pick up the pieces.I can not wait to meet my little Jelly Bean! Love and Peace!

Friday, May 25, 2012

Surprise (S**t Is About To Get Real)

Well it has been a while since I have had time to sit down and really write about anything of meaning to me. But that has changed. I hope everyone is sitting down when I say this.Here we go.I AM HAVING A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I am going to be someones mommy come November 21, 2012. Could be sooner or later than that date but we will stick with the 21st for now. But I have been on cloud nine the last couple of weeks.I have had so many feelings but mostly I have felt joy. I can officially scream it from the rooftops since I am out of my first trimester. While we have been talking about all the fun things like baby showers, buying baby clothes and decorating a nursery we have also had to have those tough conversations. Yes they are hard to have but at the end of them all it has made us a little closer and we have also been able to make some big decisions.After finding out the good news I kind of worried what everyone was going to think. But then I realized that it didn't matter what no one else thought besides me and the proud papa to be. As long as we are ok with what is going on than why should it matter what anyone else thinks.But back to talking about the awesome kid that will ever be.It doesn't matter to me if it is a boy or a girl. All I want is a healthy baby because I am going to love it just the same no matter the sex. In my head I keep trying to imagine what it is going to be like after we come home and everyone has gone home.What we will the Papa Bear and I do with this little person? I can tell you now lol. We will most likely lay him/her on the bed and just look. Nine times out of ten we are going to be nervous and unsure of what we are suppose to do. I have helped with nieces and nephew since I was 11 but this is going to be so different because this kid is going to be ours.But I know that those magic mommy skills will kick in once I see that little face.I am the happiest I have been in a long time.Even on days when I am not feeling my best I still know that I am blessed. I know that it was a a little rocky getting here but we made it. This kid is being born into a home full of love and hope. I know that this is not going to be easy but with a great support system I am sure that we will do just fine.But I look forward to this new adventure in life with the one person that means the world to me. Peace and Love!

Monday, March 5, 2012

This Again

A few months ago I posted this trailer for the documentary Dear Daddy by Janks Morton on my Facebook page. Not soon after I posted this trailer I got a comment from someone.Basically she said that this documentary is putting dead beat dads on blast and that is not right.Well I commented with my response and left it at that.This morning I check my my FB and who do I have a message from but this girl still talking about this trailer I posed back in October or November.Where do I even start on this matter. So it is very obvious that a nerve was hit here. Maybe she wants to just a good ole debate. I have no clue why she keeps talking about this.When I posted the trailer for this documentary I had no intentions of putting dead beat fathers on blast. All this documentary does is show is how a fathers decisions effect his daughter.It is something that I think dead beat fathers should see. Now I am not going to say we should make them watch it because you know that you have a child in this world.This documentary is not enough to put them on blast. One day they have to pay for their decision to not be apart of their child's life. So no dear this documentary is not putting these men on blast because they don't deserve the attention it takes to put someone on blast.Hopefully we are done with conversation because it is nothing I can do to make a man want to take care of his children.
Love and Peace!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Simple Kind of Love

I always said that I wanted to fall in love under the stars.So when our children asks about our love story I can tell them to look to the stars.Our love will be written across the nights sky under the moon.But for me love has always been simple.Smooth.Quiet.Easy.
It has always been the simple moments.Those simple little gestures that most people often don't even notice.Those little moments that we sometimes take for granted.Like when our fingers are interlocked together like puzzle pieces.A laugh.How our conversation can go on for hours without being forced.A simple word.Beautiful.Or when you have a bad day and lay your head in my lap.Whenever I am scared all I have to do is find that one spot on your chest to lay my head and I know that everything is going to be ok.That moment every morning when you sit on the side of the bed and I sit next you just to lay my head over on your shoulder.Summer nights when we lay in bed with the window open and read a book together.Those are the simple moments that let's me know that our love is strong.Those are the moments that I want our love to be built on.Those are the moments that I want to share with my children one day when they ask about our love story.I will tell them that our love started under the stars.That no matter where in the world we were we could always find each other in the stars.The moon was our guide.Simple.Smooth.Quiet.Easy.We had a simple kind of love.

Peace and Love!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Some of This Some of That

*Well the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with my creativity.It seems like I have lost it somewhere.If only I knew where to find it because I would gladly go back and pick it up.No matter how many times I sat down at the computer I get nothing.I haven't been able to write my 750 Words a day and all I have to do for that is write some words.They don't even have to make sense.But every night when I go to sleep at night I carefully place words together in my dreams like they have always belonged together.Like they were meant to be.I have written books and stanzas in my dreams but when the morning comes they hide themselves where it is they hide during the day time hours.I need to find my creativity so that I can do something with myself.

*Last night someone asked if they could come and stay with me until they get on their feet.Now if this was a family member or close friend I would have said sure.I have let my friend and baby stay with me.I loved having them there.But you are not a family member or close friend so no you can not come and stay with me.I don't even know you as an adult.First off this person was never really my friend in the first place.The part that threw me was when he said you seem like a person that is not interested in helping anyone else out.You are all about yourself.To keep from going back and front I just said that I hate that you feel this way but I can not help you.People blow me with this type of stuff.I am not going to take the chance of letting a person I don't know stay in my house.Not happening sir.Kick rocks on someplace else.

*Big news that I have not shared.Next Wednesday Favorite Guy will be home.You heard me right Favorite Guy is coming home to visit for a month.My trip will be rescheduled and I am totally fine with that.So excited to see him.I am meeting him at the airport.My mind has been going a million miles an hour thinking about everything.I haven't really planned anything for us to do so I need to get on that.I didn't plan anything for Wednesday night because I am sure he will be tired after a 18 hour flight.I am just excited about him coming home and getting to spend some quality time with him.Hits dougie at my desk.

*Fyi I have been putting hits dougie at the end of everything lately.Don't ask me why but I have lol.Now i think I need to move on to something else.Maybe the cat daddy even thought I haven't seen anyone do it.Oh well back to hitting my dougie lol.

*I have fallen in love with the poetry of Jasmin Mans.Love her work.It is something about her voice that just draws me in.Defiantly check her out.

I guess that is all I have for now.Enjoy!
Peace and Love!

Friday, January 13, 2012

I Don't Need An Apology

Last night I decided to sleep with my phone on silence for some reason.I never do that because I am nervous that someone will call with an emergency.So this morning I got up and check my phone like I do every morning and noticed a new voice mail message.

"I was in your neighborhood and thought I would check in on you.Oh yeah sorry for everything I did to you."

Well damn that is some kind of apology. Yeah that was the message left by THE EX.Now let's keep in mind I have not had any type of communication with him.Erased his number from my phone last year in April. It is no need for us to have any type of communication at this point. I have moved on and well I hope that he has to. But that very voice mail got me to thinking about everything that happened and a half ass apology left on my voice mail would never be enough.The thing that really got under my skin is why you felt like you had to say anything to me at all.Just don't apologize to me at all if that is the way you are going to do it.I know him well enough to know that it did not come from a good place. It was a after thought in his attempt to see what I was doing. During our whole relationship I was always THAT GIRL to him. You the girl that is always right there when things went wrong.THAT GIRL that always had his back.THAT GIRL that put up with all his bs because one day it is going to get better with him.Hahaha that joke was on me.Don't try to be nice to me now cause it doesn't even matter anymore. He once said you acting real brand new with me now that you have a new man in your life and that's cool cause we don't rock like that anymore. You are so right about that.I don't rock with selfish people anymore.I don't need that in my space. he says or does just rolls off my back.So keep your half ass apology and erase my number from your phone because you have no reason to call me anymore.I don't need your apologies because they hold no value in my life.They really did.

Peace and Love!

Friday, December 30, 2011

Part of my 2011

Well we have made it through another year.It seems like this year flew by us quickly.While this year defiantly had it's good times it also came along with a few not so good time.But we made it through in one piece.For the new year I wish everyone new adventures and happy times.Now on to the good stuff.

*Everyone knows I am a huge music buff.Some would say music whore but that is not the point.This year was a good year in music for me.Now it was no where near 1995 but it came in a distant second maybe even third.But it was a good year in music for me.Here are just a few of my favorites from this year.
Raphael Saadiq:Good Man
Love his music and love is something about him that is oh so sexy but this about the music.

*Jill Scott featuring Paul Wall: So Gone
All I have to say is Jill Scott.I can listen to her albums from beginning to end with no problems.But this one right here is one of my favorites from her.

*J.Cole:Lost Ones
I love his whole cd but it was this song.Evey time I listen to this song I get a little emotional.Don't ask me why because I have never been in this situation.

*Beyonce:Schoolin Life
Now this song right here is my ish.I have dropped my pie crust dancing to this song.It is had this 80s feel to it.All I know is that this song makes you want to sing and dance every time it comes on.

*Now on to something else.I am a big fan of the show Beyond Scared Straight.This has been my favorite part of the show this year.This whole segment was hilarious to me.I know that it was not suppose to be funny but hell it was.

Well that is all I have for now.I am sure I will post something else before the end if the year.Maybe something a little more serious.I am going to leave you with one last video.Most people might be surprised that this is one of my favorite songs.So let's end this post with a classic from T-Pain Booty Wurk.

Peace and Love!