Monday, December 21, 2009

Over the weekend I thought I would take some much needed time to myself and relax all weekend.So I got through Saturday without any problems.No one called talking about their problems or someone.But my peace ended on Sunday afternoon.The first thing I heard when I answered the phone was he left and I don't think he is coming back.Now I could have said I have someone on the other line and let me call you back but that would have been wrong.So I put my ice cream back in the freezer and asked what happened.This person goes on with this long story and I kinda started thinking about something else.Once she were finish I only had one question to ask.Why would you want him to stay if he doesn't want to be there? But if he doesn't want to be there then why make the both of you miserable?I understand that yes she is in love but is it really worth it if his mind is somewhere else.I once heard a guy say he's going to be where he wants to be.The far away look in his eyes or when he seems to be some where else.He's not with you mentally so he's somewhere else.I didn't have any fight in me Sunday because I would have told her to let him go.If he really wanted to be there he would have.No matter how big the argument.He would have stuck it out.Maybe I am wrong.But sometimes you have to let people leave.It hurts like hell when they do but at the end of the you will see that you are so much better without them.I know that it can be hard to let people go but it is a part of life.We sometimes get rid of the people that we need to keep around and keep the ones we need to let go.I hate letting people go but I have learned that when you keep them around longer than they need to be other parts of your life start to get screwed up.Maybe she got what I was saying.I hope that she got what I was saying.If he says he doesn't want to be there than guess what he doesn't want to be there.So just let him go and move on.I know that it is easier said than done.I know.I checked on her earlier today and got no response.I hope that she took some time to think what she wants.Will she really be happy with him around?So I have taken some time to think about it and this is my thought.Not that it really matters lol.I understand that you love him and maybe he loves you to.But take some time to really think what would make you happy.Does he cause you more heart ache than joy?Every relationship has it problems but if my heart ache out weights the joy than I can't stay in this relationship.Crying myself to sleep isn't an option for me.Been there and done that.So friend take some you time and figure it out.
Peace and Love!!!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Peace Protection Punishment

Yesterday I watched a documentary on the genocide in Africa.3 Point with Tracy McGrady.I think it is a must see.The people there only asked for three things.Peace Protection and Punishment.Peace so that they can go back home.Protection from those causing harm.Punishment for those taking innocent lives.The things we take for granted they would love to have.But this really got me to thinking.The everyday things that we take for granted would be a luxury to them.We never have enough.Our children here don't even want to go to school.If you were to ask a high school aged child today to tell you something about the genocide could they.Mostly likely not but they could tell you the lyrics to Jay-Z's new song.Very sad but true.A lot of adults don't know anything about the genocide in Africa.My heart goes out to the survivors because we can never feel what they felt.I don't like the word refugees.So the next time you go to complain about not having what you want think about those that don't have anything.We have a roof over our head.Clothes on our backs and food in our stomach.It may not be what we want but it is better than nothing at all.Be thankful for every little thing that you have.Teach your kids to be thankful for the things that they get.Teach them to be grateful for you their parents.If they see us be grateful then maybe they will follow our lead.But what can we do to help the people of Africa? I plan to look into that because they need all of the help they can get.Every little bit helps.Now I need to change gears for a minute.Last night I went out to dinner with Matt.I thought it was to late for kids to be out but I guess not.When did children become so disrespectful?I know that I have written about this before but last night was crazy. Parents please teach your kids to be respectful to others.Young ladies it is not cute to curse like a sailor period.Young men calling young ladies out of their names is not acceptable.I know some them knew better but the others need someone to teach them.Being loud does not get the kind of attention that you want.If you want that kind of negative attention then you have a long way to go.We have to do better cause our people are in serious trouble.
Peace and Love!

Random Sunday Talk

*Last week was World AIDS day.I meant to write something on Tuesday.AIDS/HIV is the top killer of Black and Latino women in the United States.I see that as a problem.Why is this not the front page of a newspaper?We as people get upset over the wrong things.As a black women I see this as a major problem.Yes we as women have to do our part and make sure that we are protected.We have to take a stand and say no.No we are not going to have sex with you if you don't have a condom.Let's go together as a couple and get tested.No this not a gay mans disease.This is a disease that can hit anyone at anytime.So let's take control and stand up against this disease.Always protect yourself.Make sure you and your partner have been tested.Don't be afraid to talk about this.If you are going to have sex with a person then you should be able to talk to them about their status.If you don't take care of yourself no one else will.
*Have you ever met someone who always has some type of drama going in their life? I have a friend that always has something going on.No matter the time of day she has something going on.Yesterday at 6:30 am she sent me a text message with some damn drama.I didn't even respond because I have decided not to play into that.We all have drama going on at some point in our life but not all the time.The things that she says is just crazy.My point is get over it and stop making everything into something bigger than it is.If someone does something you don't like walk away.Leave that person that keeps playing you for stupid.Grow up and stop playing these games because it gets old after awhile.
*My birthday is coming up on the 15th of this month.I have decided to do something small with just a few friends.I have always preferred the smaller gatherings anyway.I don't feel like I should be 26 this year.I still like I am 18 sometime lol.But I am blessed to make it another year.I think that is all I have to say for now.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Real Friends

I have a very small group of real friends.I have known them for the last 10 years.A few I have known for longer.We are all at different stages in our life right now.Some are becoming parents.Beginning relationships.Ending relationships.Some are stuck in relationships.A few are coming to terms with their identity.So we don't get to talk or see each other often now.Our nightly talks turned into weekly talks.Eventually they turned into monthly talks.But now they are when ever I have time talks.We all have very separate lives.But they are still my friends.They are still important people in my life.I am writing this because I had a conversation the other night and it kinda bothered me a little.Well it bothered me a lot.This year coming up we will all be 25and 26 years old.Each one of us has something going on.Be it school, a job, kids or whatever it is you have in your life to keep you going every day.So no we don't have time to do the things we use to do.It does gets frustrating sometimes when you don't have time for the people that use to be such a big part of your life.We may miss some important events in each others life but don't just write me off as your friend.Don't say something that you might regret later.Yes we have disagreements but we always seem to work it out.We talk it out and get over it.So before you lose a good friend watch what you say and do.You may lose the one friend that really gets you.
Peace and Love

Thursday, November 19, 2009

What I Want

Every night after I say my prayers I think of all the things that I want.Last night I couldn't fall asleep so I had a lot of time to really think.I want to wake up every morning to smell of fresh bread and the person that I love.At night I want to fall asleep to smell of lavender through out the house.Instead of working a job I want to volunteer all my time.Hold babies that have no one to love them and knit them blankets.Help kids that have no parents to guide them through out life.I want to take the perfect picture.Paint the perfect painting.I want to draw a picture and be the only person that understands it.Ride a bike in the rain.Drive cross country with my friends and not have one disagreement.I want all my family in one place for the holidays.Live my life like I am the only person in it.Cut off all my hair so I can feel the wind on my scalp.Swim in the ocean.Write a book.I want to fall in love at midnight so I can say that I fell in love under the stars.Ride on the back of a motorcycle.Get a sleeve tattoo.Write a book about my life.I want to love him so good that he calls out my name.Experience pregnancy and motherhood.Learn to speak French and Italian because it sounds so sexy.I want world peace.A cure for cancer and aids.I want to build a house big enough for all the homeless people in the world.The last thing that I thought about was going to sleep the next night so I could start my list all over again.It is not about doing or getting all of these things.It is about taking the time to dream.Some people lost that feeling along time ago.I end my days dreaming of all the things I want to do because that gives me hope for tomorrow.I know that anything is possible with all of the things that I want and dream of.It takes your mind away from all the other things going on.So tonight after you say your prayers take a minute a to dream.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Totally Random Wednesday

*The other day most of the world watch has police in North Carolina looked for the body of a five year girl.Shaniya Davis.Her mother sold her to someone for prostitution.A five year old girl was sold for prostitution.What has this world come to?No we don't know what this women was going through in her life.Maybe she was addicted to drugs or alcohol.But whatever her problem was it doesn't give her the right to take the life of her child.To treat her that way.To take her life and then throw her away.She let someone throw her child away.No I don't have children of my own.But I have nieces,a nephew,cousins and friends with children.I would hate to think that they would treat their children like that.I think that the mother and the person that did this should be treated the way they treated her.But I would make them look at her picture everyday so that they could see what they took away from the family that really loved her.Took away from people that would have never treated her that way.So my prayers and heart goes out to her father and family.
*I have been a little confused by a friend lately.We were talking and she says to me that she cuddled with a friend of hers.Now I have plenty of female friends that I have known for years but I have never cuddled with them.We have spent the night and taken trips together but never once have we cuddled.We have never made that move with each other and I don't think we will.She mentioned her a couple more times and all the things they have done together so I decided to ask the question.So are ya'll a couple?????I wanted to know so I just asked.She was offended that I asked her that question.Was I wrong for asking that question?I don't think I was wrong for asking a question.My mother always said that if you want to know the answer to something ask.So I asked.She stopped speaking to me for a few days but I didn't care cause I wanted to know.
*How far out of your comfort zone would go for someone you loved?Apparently I am not that person that will go that far lol.I know that this persons feelings were hurt but I just couldn't do it.Maybe the next time I am asked something I will say yes.Maybe!
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Silly B**ch In Love

Today has been one of those days where everything seems to be happening.The title says it all.Silly b**ch in love.I hadn't heard this song until recently when I heard a friend talk about it.Then I heard it mentioned on twitter.But that is not my reason for writing.At one point in time we have been in love.Some of us are falling in love or it hasn't hit you yet.We do things that we wouldn't normally do even when we know they aren't doing right.But we still do them because we are in love.I got a text message today telling me all about what she has done and how he keeps doing the same stupid stuff.All I could say was what are you going to do?I could have wasted my breathe and said you need to leave him alone.But I didn't have the heart to do so.I knew that if I said leave him she would have got upset.I kept my thoughts to myself this time around.It was hard to do but I knew how she felt.You love that person and they just can't get it together.So I was a listening ear.Who are we to judge a silly b**ch in love anyway?Like I said we have all been in this boat at some point.I heard friends say I would never be like that.I even said it and then I met him.Yes I was a silly b**ch in love.I made sure he had everything that he wanted when he wanted it.I went to the bank for him, pick his clothes up from the cleaners and cooked when I didn't feel like it.It wasn't much that he asked for that I didn't make happen. The whole time I knew that he was doing something shady on the side.So today I didn't go into my normal rant of you need to leave him alone because he ain't no good speech.Now I look back and say I was so damn silly.But it is a lesson learned.One day she will wake up and make the decision to stay or go.He might make that decision for her.But today I simply listened to what she was going through.Knowing the feeling all too well.So the next time you get a call or talk to a friend going through this just listen to what they have say.It could easily be you telling the story of what happened.We have all been a silly b**ch in love!
Peace and Love

Trust

Last night I had a very interesting conversation with a close friend of mine.He went into his girlfriends email account and read her messages.After reading the messages he told her and so she read his.Now I am sitting there with my mouth open.Crazy.Me being the person I am I had to ask why he did it.He calmly said I don't trust her.You know the reasons why.Yes he does have reasons for not trusting her but she has them as well.But she did go into his email account.Why stay with a person you don't trust?If you haven't got over the past issues maybe you need to walk away from this person and move on.Every time they get into a good place in their relationship he brings up something from the past.My thoughts.Those are private messages not meant for you unless she gives them to you.I have never had a boyfriend go through my email or instant messages so I can not say how she feels.Well I don't think they have gone through my personal things.I would feel violated and betrayed.I have never gone through any of their messages,instant messages or phones.I am not going to lie I did want to go through Matt's(name change) but I didn't.While you are going through this persons things you may find something out that could really hurt you in the long run.You never know what you will come across.Bottom line is they didn't want you to know so it is not your business.Now she has to live with the fact that he knows something she never wanted him to know.I had to tell him he was wrong for that.Now she could get really upset with him as well but she didn't.It would take me a long time to get over that.He would have a lot of making up to do.To my answer my own question no I would not stay with someone that I do not trust.It is not worth the extra stress.
Peace and Love

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Was I Wrong?

A friend told me that I will be over the hill after my 26th birthday next month.My eggs are going to be old and no man will want to marry me.Now if this was coming from someone else I would have been offended.But once I looked at the person I was talking to I decided it wasn't the worth the energy of arguing with him.I could have come back and said that your girlfriend is older than I am and you two haven't had any children together.But I just let it go and said whatever.But it got me to thinking.Yes I will be 26 years old this year.No I don't have any children of my own and I am not married.I do wish to have these things one day but I am not going to rush it.I look at marriage as something serious.Why should I rush into a marriage with someone that I have not known that long?I want to get to know this person before I decide to take that step with someone.I want to fall in love with this person.I know this friend would not agree with me on that.He would say you know if you love a person when you meet them.You have to just step out there sometimes and take a stand.Yes sometimes we have to step out there and take that chance.But to take a chance with marriage is a little to far for me.You are taking a chance when you marry someone but you go in thinking that this is it.I am in love with this person.Not because you like what this person does for you.Not because you think you are going to have beautiful babies with this person.Or because this person is your sexual match.Sure you want to have those things but those are not reasons to marry a person.I don't know maybe that will work for you.But I would want to marry someone because I love them.We have a spiritual connection.We are growing together towards a great marriage.But my reasons made no sense to him.I thought the call dropped because it got so quiet.He said that I made no sense.I was tired of trying to get my point across.So I left it alone.But on December 15 I will be 26 years old.Single and happy that I made it to another birthday.Not worried about having babies or getting married.Yes I would love to get married and have baby of my own one day.But I am not going to rush into something and regret it later.So whoever I marry will have to understand that I am over the hill at 26 and my eggs are old lol.But really was I wrong?
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Music

I wish I knew the exact date that I fell in love with music because I would celebrate our anniversary every year.Since I don't know I celebrate it everyday.It is not a day that I don't listen to music.When I hear one of my favorite songs come on I feel something go all over my body.I don't just love one type but I love them all.Most people that know me will tell you that I never all the words to songs.But I know the parts that means something to me.The first cd I ever bought with my own money was Bone Thugs N Harmony Crossroads.I was so excited.That started my collection that has now grown to over 200 cds.But I played that cd everyday.I think Big Jima (Mom) was happy when I lost it.But I could rap along with the whole song.Of course my music taste has changed from all rap.Now I am a Neosoul girl for the most part.But my favorite music has to come from the Temptations.They put so much feeling into their music.Papa Was A Rolling Stone.Just My Imagination.Ain't Too Proud To Beg.My Girl.My all time favorite would have to be I'm Losing You.But music is my first real love.If I don't have anything else I have music.When I am having a bad day I can put on that one song that will make it all go away.When you break up with someone you put that song on and it takes the pain away.I can name a song for every occasion in my life.So today I thank music for always being there when I needed it the most.Thanks for getting me through those really hard days.So I am going to end with a quote from James Baldwin.Music is our witness, and our ally.The beat is the confession ,which recognizes,changes and conquers time.Then, history becomes a garment we can wear and share, and not a cloak in which to hide; and time becomes our friend.
Peace and Love!

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Sweetest Day

I love the way my hand fits in his and the way our fingers intertwine.The way we can talk about anything and not have a care in the world.Looking up into his eyes when he talks.Making sure that he has everything before he leaves.Keys,phone and wallet.I love that one spot on his chest where I lay my head after a long day.Or the fact that he can make me laugh when no one else can.Most days I would say that I don't miss those things.But I do miss them and I miss him.It is the little things that I miss everyday.So now we are trying the friend thing one more time.Now we don't those things.We talk on the phone and go on dates with other people.He doesn't come upstairs.He walks me to the door downstairs.We don't text or email as much.I know that being his friend is harder than I expected.Maybe it is hard for him to.I don't really know.But everything is different now.I can't read him and I hate that.Is that apart of us being just friends? Today I wanted him here with me.I wanted that safe feeling that I feel when he is with me.Even if was just for a few minutes..I wanted to intertwine our fingers and lay my head on his chest.I needed to feel connected to him again.So no I am not over us.I am not over the fact that I loved him.It's not about sweetest day.It is about us trying to figure this out.Trying to be just friends and not cross the lines with feelings.I guess I have a lot to figure out.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

October 11,1995

14 years ago today the world lost two great people.Millie and Georgia Price.It is not a day that goes by that I don't think about you.I love and miss you more than ever.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Positive Story!

So I am still thinking about the violence with the young people in this city.But this is not a problem in just Chicago.Yesterday I was reading a really inspirational story online.A young man named Derrion Quarles is a senior a Kenwood Academy High School(I am a 2002 graduate of KA).He is a honor roll student who grew up in the foster system.This young man raised over $1million in scholarship money for himself.Not many students do this in a year.This fall he will be attending Morehouse College to study medicine.These are the kind of stories that we need to see on the news.Stories like this one should be the ones that we celebrate.While I was reading the article I looked at some of the comments being made.If you don't have anything nice to say then you shouldn't say anything at all.Some of those people should have been ashamed for saying the things that they said.One person commented that Kenwood and Morehouse are both headquarters for ebonics.Now has a graduate of Kenwood Academy I have to defend the place that helped shaped me into the person I am today.Like any other school it has it's problem.But the teachers give you everything you need and more before going out into the real world.This is the school that helped this young man receive these scholarships.I wanted to ask this person how many scholarships did you receive when you graduated?We as black people beat each other down more then any other race I know of.That is why we have the problems that we have.Say congratulations young man or good luck.Maybe I am the one looking at this the wrong way.But Congratulations Derrion!May you have all the luck in the world.Anything is possible!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

The last couple of days I have been doing alot of thinking about what is going on with the young people in this city.This is not a new problem the city of Chicago has been plagued with.But the last couple of years things have seemed to have gotton worse.It is almost everyday that we turn on the news and hear about another young person being hurt.Some of these kids make it and others don't.Last week a young man by the name of Derrion Albert was killed.A group of young men beat him to death in the street of this city.An honor roll student who was looking forward to going to college and making something of himself.His dream was cut short because someone made the decision to start a fight.He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.But when did walking home become the wrong place?If you were to ask those four young men why they were fighting could they even tell you why?Most likely not.Being caught up in the moment has cost five young men their life.One may have died on that day but four others lost their life as well.My question is what needs to be done to help our children?What happened to make us lose our children in such high numbers?I say our children because most of these kids look like me.Most of them come from single parent homes just like I did.Some even watch by older siblings because mom has to work just like I was.No I have not been part of the solution.Yes I look at them and shake my head.That is our problem.We see that we are losing them and we still walk away.Friday this event was over shadowed because Chicago didn't get the 2016 Olympics.People upset and crying in the street.Do you really want to bring the Olympics to city where children are getting beat to death in the street?No I wouldn't.Let's fix this problem before we take on that responsibility.Start by offering after school programs for children.Counseling sessions for those that need it.Let's start with making sure that our children go to school everyday and not hang out on the corner.We should not have any more Derrion Albert's in the world.This is not just a problem that Chicago has but this is a problem that other states face as well.So yes I am going to find a way to help a young person so they won't end up at the wrong place at the wrong time.I have no idea what I am going to do but I am going to do something.One day I plan to have a child of my own and I don't want them coming into a world like this.A world where they are afraid to go school.Afraid to be who they are.You should not have to hide who you really are because you will be picked on.Those bullies are kids that want attention and love.They pick on others to make themselves feel better.They act out in the streets for attention.Yes they get attention but it is not good attention.So let's start today working on our children.Save them before it is to late.I don't want to turn on the news and see another Derrion Albert.A young life lost because of nonsense.You are fighting the wrong fight.
Peace and Love.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ex-Factor

The last couple of weeks have been a little difficult for me.Not because I moved into my own apartment or the new found freedom that I love.I should be living the life of single 25 year old without any problems or cares.My problem is my ex.Let's call him Matt(First name to pop in my head). Everyone looks at this issue differently. Right now I am in the middle on this issue.One part of me wants to believe that yes we can be friends.The other part of me doesn't want anything to do with him.I have asked myself all these questions and I still have no answer.Our relationship wasn't perfect but who has a perfect relationship.I still put alot into it.Our break up was sudden but it needed to happen.He was the one person that I thought I could trust the most.Ha he showed me.I keep asking myself why now?As soon as I thought I was over us he comes back in the picture. Why are you back now? How am I suppose to know if you have really changed?No I don't want to go back to what we ended being.I don't want to hate a person that I once loved so much.Sometimes I find myself hating Matt more than I thought I could.Wishing that I had never met him.But then I see a small piece of the person I grew to love.So now I am left with the question are all ex's meant to be left in the past? Can you have a successful friendship with your ex? Lauryn Hill said it best in her song Ex-Factor.My favorite line of the songs says you let go and I'll let go to/cause no ones hurt me more than you/and no one ever will.Love that song.But I guess time will tell what will happen between Matt and I.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Writing a blog is something I had no intention of doing.But time has changed and I figured why not.This is my chance to say what I normallly won't say.This is going to be something that I can take serious or not.Depending on the day I write.Let the fun begin.