Thursday, November 19, 2009

What I Want

Every night after I say my prayers I think of all the things that I want.Last night I couldn't fall asleep so I had a lot of time to really think.I want to wake up every morning to smell of fresh bread and the person that I love.At night I want to fall asleep to smell of lavender through out the house.Instead of working a job I want to volunteer all my time.Hold babies that have no one to love them and knit them blankets.Help kids that have no parents to guide them through out life.I want to take the perfect picture.Paint the perfect painting.I want to draw a picture and be the only person that understands it.Ride a bike in the rain.Drive cross country with my friends and not have one disagreement.I want all my family in one place for the holidays.Live my life like I am the only person in it.Cut off all my hair so I can feel the wind on my scalp.Swim in the ocean.Write a book.I want to fall in love at midnight so I can say that I fell in love under the stars.Ride on the back of a motorcycle.Get a sleeve tattoo.Write a book about my life.I want to love him so good that he calls out my name.Experience pregnancy and motherhood.Learn to speak French and Italian because it sounds so sexy.I want world peace.A cure for cancer and aids.I want to build a house big enough for all the homeless people in the world.The last thing that I thought about was going to sleep the next night so I could start my list all over again.It is not about doing or getting all of these things.It is about taking the time to dream.Some people lost that feeling along time ago.I end my days dreaming of all the things I want to do because that gives me hope for tomorrow.I know that anything is possible with all of the things that I want and dream of.It takes your mind away from all the other things going on.So tonight after you say your prayers take a minute a to dream.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Totally Random Wednesday

*The other day most of the world watch has police in North Carolina looked for the body of a five year girl.Shaniya Davis.Her mother sold her to someone for prostitution.A five year old girl was sold for prostitution.What has this world come to?No we don't know what this women was going through in her life.Maybe she was addicted to drugs or alcohol.But whatever her problem was it doesn't give her the right to take the life of her child.To treat her that way.To take her life and then throw her away.She let someone throw her child away.No I don't have children of my own.But I have nieces,a nephew,cousins and friends with children.I would hate to think that they would treat their children like that.I think that the mother and the person that did this should be treated the way they treated her.But I would make them look at her picture everyday so that they could see what they took away from the family that really loved her.Took away from people that would have never treated her that way.So my prayers and heart goes out to her father and family.
*I have been a little confused by a friend lately.We were talking and she says to me that she cuddled with a friend of hers.Now I have plenty of female friends that I have known for years but I have never cuddled with them.We have spent the night and taken trips together but never once have we cuddled.We have never made that move with each other and I don't think we will.She mentioned her a couple more times and all the things they have done together so I decided to ask the question.So are ya'll a couple?????I wanted to know so I just asked.She was offended that I asked her that question.Was I wrong for asking that question?I don't think I was wrong for asking a question.My mother always said that if you want to know the answer to something ask.So I asked.She stopped speaking to me for a few days but I didn't care cause I wanted to know.
*How far out of your comfort zone would go for someone you loved?Apparently I am not that person that will go that far lol.I know that this persons feelings were hurt but I just couldn't do it.Maybe the next time I am asked something I will say yes.Maybe!
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Silly B**ch In Love

Today has been one of those days where everything seems to be happening.The title says it all.Silly b**ch in love.I hadn't heard this song until recently when I heard a friend talk about it.Then I heard it mentioned on twitter.But that is not my reason for writing.At one point in time we have been in love.Some of us are falling in love or it hasn't hit you yet.We do things that we wouldn't normally do even when we know they aren't doing right.But we still do them because we are in love.I got a text message today telling me all about what she has done and how he keeps doing the same stupid stuff.All I could say was what are you going to do?I could have wasted my breathe and said you need to leave him alone.But I didn't have the heart to do so.I knew that if I said leave him she would have got upset.I kept my thoughts to myself this time around.It was hard to do but I knew how she felt.You love that person and they just can't get it together.So I was a listening ear.Who are we to judge a silly b**ch in love anyway?Like I said we have all been in this boat at some point.I heard friends say I would never be like that.I even said it and then I met him.Yes I was a silly b**ch in love.I made sure he had everything that he wanted when he wanted it.I went to the bank for him, pick his clothes up from the cleaners and cooked when I didn't feel like it.It wasn't much that he asked for that I didn't make happen. The whole time I knew that he was doing something shady on the side.So today I didn't go into my normal rant of you need to leave him alone because he ain't no good speech.Now I look back and say I was so damn silly.But it is a lesson learned.One day she will wake up and make the decision to stay or go.He might make that decision for her.But today I simply listened to what she was going through.Knowing the feeling all too well.So the next time you get a call or talk to a friend going through this just listen to what they have say.It could easily be you telling the story of what happened.We have all been a silly b**ch in love!
Peace and Love

Trust

Last night I had a very interesting conversation with a close friend of mine.He went into his girlfriends email account and read her messages.After reading the messages he told her and so she read his.Now I am sitting there with my mouth open.Crazy.Me being the person I am I had to ask why he did it.He calmly said I don't trust her.You know the reasons why.Yes he does have reasons for not trusting her but she has them as well.But she did go into his email account.Why stay with a person you don't trust?If you haven't got over the past issues maybe you need to walk away from this person and move on.Every time they get into a good place in their relationship he brings up something from the past.My thoughts.Those are private messages not meant for you unless she gives them to you.I have never had a boyfriend go through my email or instant messages so I can not say how she feels.Well I don't think they have gone through my personal things.I would feel violated and betrayed.I have never gone through any of their messages,instant messages or phones.I am not going to lie I did want to go through Matt's(name change) but I didn't.While you are going through this persons things you may find something out that could really hurt you in the long run.You never know what you will come across.Bottom line is they didn't want you to know so it is not your business.Now she has to live with the fact that he knows something she never wanted him to know.I had to tell him he was wrong for that.Now she could get really upset with him as well but she didn't.It would take me a long time to get over that.He would have a lot of making up to do.To my answer my own question no I would not stay with someone that I do not trust.It is not worth the extra stress.
Peace and Love

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Was I Wrong?

A friend told me that I will be over the hill after my 26th birthday next month.My eggs are going to be old and no man will want to marry me.Now if this was coming from someone else I would have been offended.But once I looked at the person I was talking to I decided it wasn't the worth the energy of arguing with him.I could have come back and said that your girlfriend is older than I am and you two haven't had any children together.But I just let it go and said whatever.But it got me to thinking.Yes I will be 26 years old this year.No I don't have any children of my own and I am not married.I do wish to have these things one day but I am not going to rush it.I look at marriage as something serious.Why should I rush into a marriage with someone that I have not known that long?I want to get to know this person before I decide to take that step with someone.I want to fall in love with this person.I know this friend would not agree with me on that.He would say you know if you love a person when you meet them.You have to just step out there sometimes and take a stand.Yes sometimes we have to step out there and take that chance.But to take a chance with marriage is a little to far for me.You are taking a chance when you marry someone but you go in thinking that this is it.I am in love with this person.Not because you like what this person does for you.Not because you think you are going to have beautiful babies with this person.Or because this person is your sexual match.Sure you want to have those things but those are not reasons to marry a person.I don't know maybe that will work for you.But I would want to marry someone because I love them.We have a spiritual connection.We are growing together towards a great marriage.But my reasons made no sense to him.I thought the call dropped because it got so quiet.He said that I made no sense.I was tired of trying to get my point across.So I left it alone.But on December 15 I will be 26 years old.Single and happy that I made it to another birthday.Not worried about having babies or getting married.Yes I would love to get married and have baby of my own one day.But I am not going to rush into something and regret it later.So whoever I marry will have to understand that I am over the hill at 26 and my eggs are old lol.But really was I wrong?
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Music

I wish I knew the exact date that I fell in love with music because I would celebrate our anniversary every year.Since I don't know I celebrate it everyday.It is not a day that I don't listen to music.When I hear one of my favorite songs come on I feel something go all over my body.I don't just love one type but I love them all.Most people that know me will tell you that I never all the words to songs.But I know the parts that means something to me.The first cd I ever bought with my own money was Bone Thugs N Harmony Crossroads.I was so excited.That started my collection that has now grown to over 200 cds.But I played that cd everyday.I think Big Jima (Mom) was happy when I lost it.But I could rap along with the whole song.Of course my music taste has changed from all rap.Now I am a Neosoul girl for the most part.But my favorite music has to come from the Temptations.They put so much feeling into their music.Papa Was A Rolling Stone.Just My Imagination.Ain't Too Proud To Beg.My Girl.My all time favorite would have to be I'm Losing You.But music is my first real love.If I don't have anything else I have music.When I am having a bad day I can put on that one song that will make it all go away.When you break up with someone you put that song on and it takes the pain away.I can name a song for every occasion in my life.So today I thank music for always being there when I needed it the most.Thanks for getting me through those really hard days.So I am going to end with a quote from James Baldwin.Music is our witness, and our ally.The beat is the confession ,which recognizes,changes and conquers time.Then, history becomes a garment we can wear and share, and not a cloak in which to hide; and time becomes our friend.
Peace and Love!