Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My Loves

So a couple of years ago I started to have parties for the kids in my family.Throughout the year they get gift bags for the holidays. I have spoiled them to a point because it is nothing in the world that I wouldn't do for them.Ever since I moved into my apartment they have wanted to come over for a party.After a year of putting it off I have decided to have them over for a Christmas party.So I have been working on decorations all the week and a menu suitable for a group of picky children. But the highlight of our evening will be decorating the tree and the giant cupcake.While I have complained about all the time spent getting it together I wouldn't change it for the world.It is no other place in the world I would rather be on Saturday afternoon.I thought about changing the date to another day but I made them a promise.Saturday afternoon my apartment will filled the laughter by my 9 little loves.Of course it will some disagreement cause that is what they do.I am looking forward to Saturday and all the good times to be had.

Peace and Love!

Friday, November 5, 2010

Yesterday I got into a really heated debate about men sharing in the responsibility of raising a baby.No I do not have a child of my own but I felt like I had to stand up for this poor girl.I do not know her personally but I know people in her situation. This young lady is 17 years old and just gave birth to her second son.So the conversation started with the lady telling me the baby was born and all of the happy stuff.Then she says that girl is so stupid.I know she doesn't expect him to help her cause he has other responsibilities.What other responsibilities are more important than taking care of your child?Oh yeah the other responsibility would be basketball.He has to get himself ready to play in the NBA.I thought I was going to die laughing when she said that.Maybe he will make it to the NBA but I seriously doubt it.I wish I was where I could talk to this girl.I would tell her you don't have to put up with people treating you like that.You can find someone that will love and respect you.Being a part time daddy is not what you should encourage lady.Tell this young man you need to man up and get a job.Stop having unprotected sex.If you don't want to have another baby than use some type of protection.I don't think my mother or any of the women in my family would support my brother in anything like that.If this was my brother and mother the conversation would go like this.
Mother:So I have another grandson?
Brother:I don't want to be bothered with her.I have other things to worry about.
Mother:Did you have sex with her?
Brother:Yes but that-
Mother:So this is your baby?
Brother:Yes.She knew I didn't want any more kids.
Mother:So when did they stop making condoms?
Brother:They didn't stop making condoms.
Mother:Guess you should start looking for a job then huh?
Well maybe not like that.It would be sprinkled with some curse words.But you get what I am saying.Pushing all the responsibility off on this young lady is not fair.He may think that he is hurting her but in the end he is going to be the one that hurts the most.So the lady goes on to say that the young lady is a whore.I asked did he know she was a whore when he slept with her and she said that is why he slept with her.So why would you continue to have unprotected sex with a whore?Not once but twice.Finally I got tired of listening to the ignorance being spoken and walked away.How could you encourage this type of behavior?You may think you are protecting him from whatever but you are really hurting him.He is going to grow into a man that feel like he doesn't have to take responsibility for his actions.The real issue is you have two kids that you don't support because you would rather play basketball and have fun.Wow!I find it very sad that we have parents out here that actually support their children in foolish acts like this.Maybe one day this young man will grow up and take care of his children.Also that this young lady will get the strength to leave this young man alone.
Peace and Love

Monday, November 1, 2010

I Give A Damn.Do You?

I hate to see someone mistreated.I hate to see someone treated differently because they are not what we like for them to be.I hate when some is judged by others.I have always been a person that takes a person for who they are.Over the weekend I got very upset over some comments made about a friend of mine.All of my friends are different and unique in their own way.That is what I respect the most.I like being around people who are comfortable in their own skin.People who aren't afraid to be themselves.But sometimes we get caught up in what we want them to be.I learned a long time ago that it is best if we just let people be who they are.I support them in all decisions that they make.Recently some comments were made about a friend and the choices they made for themselves.I have to admit that I was a little uncomfortable when these comments were made.I sat there thinking to myself how this person could say such a thing about some one else.How dare you shun a person because they aren't what you are?Or better yet how can spread stories about someone that is not true?I would like to think that by now we would be more open to people and their lifestyle choice.How would you feel if someone told you could not have a child because you are gay?What if they said you can not get married because you are gay?I think that anyone who wants to experience parenthood and marriage should have the opportunity to experience it.What does calling someone out of their name prove?It proves that you are a very small minded person.It proves that it is still hatred out there.I was asked why I was taking part anything like that because I am not gay or bi-sexual.I take part because I have family and friends who deal with harassment every day and it is not fair.I don't know what it is like to deal with that kind of harassment every day and it hurts my heart to see them hurt.So yes I will continue to support everything with LGBT community.Every person deserves to be treated with respect.What really gets me is why are you so upset about another persons sexual orientation?Did it hit a nerve with you? I recently joined the Give A Damn Campaign.Lots of good information to pass along to other.wegiveadamn.org. Check it out later.
Peace and Love

Friday, October 29, 2010

Yay For Me!

This past week I finally finished the project that I started a little over a year ago.I started this hoping that my group at church would do it but I don't think that is going to happen now.It is a work shop for teen age girls about self esteem and body image.Since I had started I thought I should finish it.It took a lot of time and research but I finally got it done.Maybe I will still do it but a little different now. I have some ideas that I have to work out but I think it is much needed with teenage girls.So excited that I got it done!
Peace and Love!

Friday, September 24, 2010

Responsibility

Recently my mind has been all over the place trying to figure some things out so I haven't had time to post anything.The other day I had a really interesting conversation with a friend of mine.I have asked her this question so many times that I have lost count.When are you going to start taking some responsibility for your actions?I know that sometimes we all slack off and let things fall to the waist side.But we realized it and make some changes to fix the problem.Now I have to admit that I have helped enable in her in some of her problems and listen to the nonsense that she talks on a daily basis.I have always wanted her to have the best in life and achieve all the goals that she once had for herself.But how can she get there when she will not take responsibility for the situation she has created for herself.No matter the situation she can come up with a reason why she can not do what ever needs to be done.If that was the case than everyone would be full of excuses.So I guess my question is when do we start taking responsibility for our actions?Growing up we want so bad to be an adult and have all that comes along with it.All the while we are wishing for that day to come,we have no idea how much responsibility comes with it.We want to live on our own but we have no idea what rent is going to cost.We want to work a job that starts us out at the top.Never once realizing that we have to start from the bottom and work our way to the top.We want all the things that along with being an adult but not the responsibility.I know that she did not want to hear that from me but she needed to hear it.Sometimes we get our priorities so screwed up that we lose track of what really matters.Growing up all she wanted was to be grown.Now that you are a grown up it is time to step away from all the childish games and take some responsibility for yourself.We can not expect our family and friends to pick up the slack for us.Maybe I got to through to her and then again maybe I didn't.All I can hope is that one day soon she will understand what everyone around her has been saying for years.

Peace and Love!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

I have been watching Def Poetry Jam since I came home from the dentist today.So I figured I would post my top five favorite pieces.Choosing five was a little harder than I thought but I finally narrowed it down.

#5:Bassey Ikpi I Want to Kiss You


#4:Preach Cotton


#3:Daniel Beaty Knock Knock


#2:Amir Sulaiman Danger


#1:Sunni Patterson We Made It


Peace and Love!
The last couple of weeks I have been meaning to post something here.But life has been happening and I have not had the time to post anything.I don't really have anything to say but I want to say cherish your family.Take time to visit with them and say I love you.You never know what is going to happen and they may not be here.A couple weeks my family got some news that we were not expecting.Every night I pray to god and ask him to bless my Aunt with strength so that she can fight this.Maybe it is a little selfish of me to ask for that.But I pray through the hard moments.I pray that I can sit through one more visit and not burst into tears.I pray that you know you are loved.Just take some time to slow down and say I love you.Appreciate them while you have the chance.




Love and Peace!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Maybe One Day

I have been meaning to post this for the last week but my mind has been somewhere else to say the least.I have written about this one before so this is going to be my last time saying anything about this.Recently someone that I know announced that she was pregnant.Well she didn't actually announce it.But that is not the point.We were talking the other day and she asked when was I going to have a baby.Most people have stopped asking this question because I hate being asked about something so personal.So I did what I always do and said I don't know.Why do people think it is any of their business to ask others when they are going to reproduce?I think making the decision to have children is a very personal one between a man and woman.But what if I couldn't have children.You never know why a person may not have a little one of their own.Do I want a child of my own one day? Yes I do.But I do not want to rush into parenthood.This is also a very sensitive subject with me as well.When I was younger I use to say I didn't want to have any kids because I didn't want to gain weight and I was selfish.All of that really changed when the twins came home from the hospital.They were so tiny and perfect to me.I loved them more than I thought I could love a niece or nephew.Then one day I was faced with the possibility that I may not have the option to have kids.Now my doctor never came out and said that but it was all in what she didn't say.I never said a word to anyone but I was nervous.So before you start to question someone about why they haven't done something, stop and think.You never know the reason why they haven't.Maybe they just aren't ready to take that step in life or they might not be able to.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Who Defines Beauty?

So last night I decided that I would go out with my good friend Music Junkie.I hardly ever go out with him when his friends are involved.We don't really mix all that well.But that is not the point.Conversation was good for the most part until I was asked why I am going natural.I told them my reasons and that it gives me a sense of freedom.I don't have to worry about keeping up with a relaxer and all that comes along with having straight hair.Out of no where one of the loud mouths said who would think having natural hair was beautiful.I was instantly irritated with him.Maybe because I don't care for him as a person had something to do with that.I asked him who's standard of beauty was he talking about.So the debate began.I was not backing down on my point and he was not backing down on his.I said that to ask the question who defines beauty?I just heard a lady say that being beautiful should be a full time job because looks mean everything.We as people put way to much into how we look and what we have on.Not enough into our families and education.I am guilty of being a part of this crowd as well.But it comes a point when you realize that my looks are not going to get me anything in the real world.It is not going to get me a job unless that is the business I am going into.It is not going to pay my bills or feed me when I am hungry.I am beautiful but my attitude is horrible.Having a bad attitude makes some the most beautiful people look so ugly.We need to change the way we think.Beauty does not define who you are as a person.Stop focusing so much on how a person looks and focus on what they are like on the inside.I know some people might say that I have never had a problem with the way I look.But no matter how you look someone will find something wrong with you.Look on the inside of a person before you start to judge them.My natural hair does not define me as a person.It is just a part of who I am at this point in my life and it is a beautiful thing.I will end this with a quote from the actress Salma Hayek.
"People often say that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder. This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves. "
Peace and Love!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Early Father's Day

I know that father's day is not until Sunday but who knows if I am going to get this posted before then.So I am going to post it today while I have it on my mind.Up until a few years ago my father had not been involved in my life.He made the decision to do other things instead of being a father.It use to really bother me that he wasn't around but one day I realized that I have been blessed with some really awesome men in my life.They were always around when I needed them to be.None of them are the same and that is what makes them great.That is what makes them special in their own way.I may not talk to them everyday but if I ever needed them they would be there for me.They would protect me from all the things that would cause harm.So yes I have been blessed with some really awesome father figures in my life.I have great brother in laws Dave and Aj(He will always be my brother in law)that have been around since I was a kid.Even though I didn't have a long relationship with my Uncle Brother he made a big impact on me.He was strong and really didn't care what people thought.He was who he was.I wish that we had more time together.My favorite memory of him is when I got into a fight at school and they had to call him.He talked to the Dean and said he would handle the situation when I got home.When I got home he called and asked what happened.His only questions was did you win the fight?I said yeah Uncle Brother I won.He replied ok then cause if you didn't I was going to come whip you and then he just hung up.Then it is the others that will always be close to my heart.Dwight(I am his Baby Bird lol) and my Uncle Robert.Two no nonsense kind of guys.But this year I am going to do something different.I am going to buy a father's day card for the first time in my life.I know my relationship with my father as a long way to go but he is trying.Most of the time I don't think he knows what to say to me but he still calls to check on me.When I go home to visit he comes and visits.I always say maybe he wouldn't have been a good father back then and now he has something to offer as a father.At least he is trying.The funny thing is I never hated him.I always loved him.He always held a special place in my heart.Happy Father's Day!

*I have something very special that I am going to write about soon.I have been waiting for this for a long time.Some people may not understand why I am so happy but I just feel so blessed right now.I can not wait to share the news!
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010



I love his work.Hopefully I get to see him at the Urban International Festival next weekend.

My Two Cents

I told myself I wasn't going to comment on this but here I am giving my two cents.Yesterday I read the article on Vibe with Slim Thug.People are outraged by what he said in the article.I am not outraged by what he said because he was not talking about me and he was speaking from his experiences.I had to agree with some of the things he said.Yes I am a Slim Thug fan but if I felt he was wrong I would say so.Now I know some people are not going to agree with what I am about to say but I don't really care lol.I don't think he was degrading the black women and uplifting white women.As a black person I must say that yes we have a lot of problems that we need to work out on our own before attempting to go into a relationship.I say person because our black men have some things they need to work on as well.I read through some of the comments at the end of the article and it was horrible.Most of the comments were coming black women.Let me say that they didn't help the case at all.If you are going to comment on uplifting the black woman than do you think it is a good idea to call this man out of his name and talk about his mama?Talk about the other people commenting?You are playing into the sterotype.The angry black women.I can see how it can be taken the wrong way.It could have been worded differently but I still think people would have had a problem with what was said.Others in the media go on to say that this is who our children have as role models.I have to disagree with that statement.No he is not a role model for our children and he has even said so his self.Everytime a rapper or someone says something in the public they go in on them saying think about what you say because you are a role model.I think that word is thrown around to lightly.Of course children see more than they should but as the parent you should limit what your child sees.Entertainers shouldn't raise your children.Tv should not raise your children.When I was growing up I was not allowed to sit in front of the tv all day long and listen to whatever I wanted to.I was in high school before my mother started to let us listen to some stuff.At the time I didn't understand but I do now.You have to open your children up to things.Let them experience different things so they won't have to look for the rapper to be their role model.I agree with what he said about us being messed up.News flash people we are messed up and we need a lot of work.How can we go into a healthy relationship if we have no idea what that is? It is a lot of people out here that has never been around a healthy black relationship.We put the wrong things on the top of our list of priorities.we are so worried about looking good and showing off that we forget what really matters.But once again that goes back to a stable home growing up.I understand that a lot of us didn't grow up in the best of homes but that is not an excuse to act a damn fool.Degrading our black women?I think he could have used other words to get his point across but where were these people when shows like Basketball Wives premired on tv?That show didn't make black women look good at all.If you had never been around a black woman before you would think we are all are catty, backstabbing and all about money.That set us back a couple of steps.That show was produced by a black woman.Did someone say anything to her about how these women were made to look?No.It is time for people to stop blaming others for the problems they see and start doing something about it.Slim Thug simply stated his feelings from his experiences so how is that wrong? So entertainers can't speak from their experiences or speak their opinions on things.Don't single out one person and make them look like the bad guy when others degrade us everyday.Where are you all then?All this time was spent on radio stations and tv shows talking about this when it is so much more that could have been discussed.What about all these shootings involving children and innocent people?Are we going to get more police help on the street?We could do alot better than we are.But it is the very people that is complaining and commenting that is not going to do anything.You do your part in uplifting the people and not worry about what the next man is doing.If it is so bad than he will have to pay for that later.We take the wrong things and blow them up into something bigger than they are.Find a real cause to get behind and support.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

All Natural

Two summers ago I made the decision to start wearing my hair natural.It was a little harder than I expected so I relaxed my hair.But after thinking about it I decided to give it another try.It has been eight months since I last relaxed my hair.It is not as hard I thought.Yes I have my moments when I think to myself I should get a relaxer.It doesn't happen as often as it use to.When I first started this journey I used every product I thought would help me keep this hair under some type of control.Now that I have figured out what works I don't have as many problems.It has taken some time to get use to but I love it.I still go and let Tamron blow dry it straight but not as often as I use to.Now that I have more natural hair than relaxed I am able to try more natural styles.Once I hit the one year mark I am going to cut all the remaining relaxed.I was asked one day I would I ever want to wear my natural hair.I told her because I think natural hair is beautiful and I wanted to stop putting so many chemicals in my hair.She said I understand why you would want to stop using so many chemicals but natural hair is not beautiful.I was so curious as to why she felt this way.Her explanation was that it looked unprofessional for a work setting and it looked nasty.Now I have worked with women who have natural hair and most of the time it looks better than the relaxed hair.Yes I have seen natural hair that wasn't very well kept but you can not say all natural hair looks nasty.Now I am full debate mode.I was so surprised that this lady would say something like that.But now that I think about it I am not surprised at all.The very next day I had my hair twisted.She just looked but I knew that she wanted to say something so bad.Finally she asked what made me get my hair twisted.A part of it was because I wanted to prove a point.Natural hair is not nasty.It is beautiful in it's own way.But I think it is a problem when a lot of our black women don't like the look if their own hair.They look at you like you are crazy when you say you natural or going natural.We are all not meant to have silky straight hair down our backs.We would all look the same if we did.I think you should embrace that part of who you are.I think we put relaxers in our little girls hair way to early.If I am to ever have a daughter of my own I plan to wait until she is old enough to make that decision on her own.Teach our little girls to love that part of themselves.Maybe this is just me but I feel really librated about going natural.It is something that I had to grow to love about myself.I know that people are still going to feel the way they feel but don't look at me different because I made the best decision for me.Beauty comes in so many different forms and looks.Natural hair works for me and some my friends.
Peace and Love!

Friday, May 28, 2010

My Family/My God

So last night I was talking to this guy on the phone.We have had some interesting conversations up until this point.Some kind if way we got on the topic of family and then religion.Those that know me know that I don't discuss religion because everyone has their own belief.He asked what I had been up to after work.I replied working on my family tree.This is where our conversation took a turn for the worse.Now I try to be nice to people and respect their opinion on things but I can also be a smart ass when it is something I don't agree with at all.He says why would you want to work on a family tree.I mean they are all dead anyway so it shouldn't interest you.At first I was really shocked he could say something so ignorant.Well it was ignorant in my opinion.He really hit a nerve with me on this.I knew it was something about him that just irked me and I was finding out a lot about him as a person.This dude really thought I was going to agree with him and say you are right.Some people may not be interested in learning their family history but I am very interested in finding out.I tried to say it in a nice way but I am very sure it came out in a totally different way.I told him how can you say these people have nothing to do with you?If it weren't for them then you wouldn't be sitting here talking crazy to me.They had a lot to do with you.Family is a big thing to me.No we may not always agree with each other or like each other all the time but they are family.I have issues with a family member right now but if she called I would be right there for her.We are always there for each other.Then he goes from bad to worst.He asked what I was doing Sunday morning cause he wanted to hang out.Number one I don't know why he thought I would want to hang out after I just went off on him.I told him going to church.He said he doesn't go to church and asked why I go.Really dude?In my book you just signed your walking papers.Most Sunday mornings I am in church.I go to church for my own personal reasons.Yes I believe in God.I go to church and participate with my group on a regular basis.You sir may not believe in anything but I do.At the end of the conversation he still didn't get it.My family and my God are two very important parts of my life.No one can in between those relationships.I told him that I didn't think we could go any further in our friendship because those are two things that will always be apart of my life.Some people may say you could give him another chance but he said he was not going to change the way he felt about it.So why even try to continue something with this person knowing that this is what he believes.Tell me what you think.
#Random:This has nothing to do with what I wrote about.The music I am listening to right now has a disco feeling to it.It makes me feel like I should be dancing on top of a table with hot pants and gogo boots on.
*I am trying to get the Chocolate Puma to write a joint blog with his twin but he is not responding.So let's see if this gets his attention.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

We Must Praise!





I listen to this song every morning when I get to work.I love what the song says.No matter what is going on in your life we must take some time to give praise for everything that we do have.It is someone somewhere going through something much worst than you are.Be thankful for the life that you have.When you are complaining stop and think about how blessed you really are.Praise him for everything that you are.
Peace and Love!

Who Takes Responsibility?

Aiyana Stanley Jones is a name that you should have heard this past week in the news.The seven year old girl that was killed by the Detroit Police Department.They were looking for a murder suspect and thought they had the right apartment.But they were wrong.The police supposedly threw a flash grenade through the living room window and shoots followed.The little girl sleeping on the couch with her grandmother was killed.In the news they have told several different stories as to what happened but the only thing that really matters is that a baby lost her life because the police jumped the gun.The person they were looking for was in the upstairs apartment.How could a mistake like this happen?I know that police officers have to protect themselves but at what point does it become to much.You threw a flash grenade into a home in the early morning hours.Most states don't use flash grenades without permission from the police chief.How do you not know which apartment your suspect is in?What will you say to this little girls family?When did shooting first and asking later become apart of the procedure.I am not a police officer but I am pretty sure that is not right.No this didn't happen in Chicago but it could have.It could have been someone that you knew in this situation.A heart breaking situation.I would like to know when police officers are going to start taking responsibility for these type of incidents.They hide behind a badge and get off scott free for taking someones life.We have watched similar stories play out in the news before and we watched the officers walk away.Yes mistakes and accidents do happen but in the last couple years we have seen this happen over and over again.The thing that really gets me about the police in these situations is their cockiness.You have no reason to be cocky.You took an innocent persons life.I should not be able to sit here and name off innocent people that have been killed or hurt by police shooting.But I can.Sean Bell was shoot in New York as he left his bachelor party.Another case where the police thought he had a "weapon".It has even come out that one of the officers had been drinking.They gave a simple explanation.When undercover they are allowed to drink while working.Are you serious?How can use a fire arm under the influence?YOU CAN'T!But all the officers involved never faced charges.Robbie Tolan was shoot while he laid on the ground during a traffic stop.The officers thought he had stolen the car he was driving.It turned out that it was his parents car and he was on his way home.He wasn't killed but his life will never be the same.Jonathan Pinkerton was killed in this great city of Chicago by the CPD.Witnesses say that after he was on the ground shoot one of the officers kicked him.They never found what they thought he had.These are all not cases of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.They need to find a new way of handling these situations because it is crystal clear that the shoot first and ask later policy is not working.Does it take a seven year old losing her life in order for something to be done?I hope that is not the case.We need to hold these officers responsible for their actions.I heard a lady say that we have to be afraid of the thugs on the street and of the police.We are living in a sad world when you start to hear comments like that.Pray for the family of Aiyana Stanley Jones.Pray for all the families that know what this family is going through.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

*Yesterday I was having this really interesting conversation with one of my closet friends.We decided to take two totally different paths in life.But we still have a lot to talk about.We talk about everything together.No judgement.Most of the time we only talk about things once.We talk about them and leave it there.It is good to have that one person you can talk to about anything.I may not be able to count on her for anything else but she is always there when I need to talk.People have said to me why are you two still friends.But we have been friends for so long that I don't know what it's like to not have her around.We don't live in the same place but that has never stopped our friendship.She's my sister in a lot of ways.Sometime I complain about her and the things she does but that is just who she is.Can't help but love!
*The other day I had lunch with the Music Junkie.I so love this dude because he is so comfortable in his skin.For him to be a guy I learn so much about myself from him.He is the only person I know that really keeps it real.If he has something to say he says it and doesn't really care what people think.He always says be who you are and tell the world screw themselves of they don't like it.So I guess I am going to be saying screw you to the world more often.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Is Something Wrong With You???

Today while I was talking to a friend she decided to ask me a million questions about my personal life.I answered what I wanted to and just said I am not going to answer the others.But it was a couple that really stuck out to me.You don't have a serious relationship and no kids.What is wrong with you?This question has always irked the hell out of me.Just because I choose to not be in this super serious relationship and have a house full of babies doesn't mean it is something wrong with me.It is something clearly wrong with you for thinking that.Yes I am at the age in life where most people start to think about those things.Don't get me wrong I do think about them.But it is not all I think about.I think about where do I want to go next.What is something new I can try?People seem to think that since I am not in a relationship I am this lonely person.I am not.I do all the things I want whenever I get ready.Being in a relationship doesn't define who I am as a person.I like being in relationships but I also like being single as well.Sometimes you have to take some time to yourself to truly be happy with you.A moment to breath without worrying what the other person is going to say or think.I like to call those my fresh air moments.One day yes I would like to fall in love and have everything that comes along with it.But to say what is wrong with you like I have a disease or something is just wrong.When did not having kids at 26 become the worst thing in the world to some people?If I had a child right now no doubt in my mind I would give that little person all the love I had and more.If I found out I was having a baby right now I would be overjoyed.But not having one does not make me different.Most of my friends don't have kids.Everyone makes decisions about what they want to do.I made the decision to be single and I am happy that I made that choice.I made the decision not to have kids right now.You should never say to a person that something is wrong with them just because they don't have what you think is right.It goes back to us judging other people and what they are doing.You don't know my situation.We have a thing for judging others on what we think they should have.We have to think before we speak to others.I simply said it is nothing wrong with me.I am happy right now so why would something be wrong with me.

Home

I was born in a place that not many people have heard of.It is a place I go when I need to get away from the city.A place where they take me for who I am.A place that relaxes me from all that is going in the outside world.It is a world in it's self.If you have ever been there than you would understand what I mean.But it's home.Going to church with my grandma or her sitting under the car port making ice cream.My Papa standing in the yard smoking.Riding my bike around in circles because I didn't have anything else to do.Playing on the swing set in Millie's yard and making up some kind of club with Brian and Georgia.Our clubs never lasted more than a week at the most.Laying on the track and looking up at the sky.Playing kickball and it ending in a argument.Friday night football games.Anybody that knows anything about the south knows that football is the highlight of our week.Everyone is at the game and everything closes for the game.No it may not have all the things a city has.It may not be a lot to do.Some of the people may get on your nerves but that happens every where.This place is home to me.I have more aunts and uncles than I can count.More cousins than I know what to do with.Yet most of us aren't related my blood.We are all connected because of this place.Every now and than I find myself missing it like crazy.Someone once said to me you still go back to that country place.I would never keep going back to that place.I was offended because you have never been there and that place is my home.Yes I go back because I have family there.Never judge a place until you have experienced it.It is country but hell I am country sometimes lol.But I simply told him that place is home to me.Why even try to answer a ignorant question.Home is Enterprise,Mississippi.A place that will always hold a special place in my heart.
Peace and Love!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Not Your Business

The other day a friend made a comment to me that kinda rubbed me the wrong way.I am not going to say what the comment was but it really made me take a step back and think for a minute.I think sometimes we make comments to each other with out thinking about the other persons feelings.Yes I am guilty of this as well but I have got better with it.Like I always say you never know what a person is going through on the inside.You never know how a person will take what you say.Yes I am guilty of wearing my heart on my sleeve with a certain person.Do we have the relationship that people would expect me to have? No we don't but it is ours.No one has to understand what we are and what do because it is ours.Those are our moments that we choose to spend the way we want.Is he always right? No he is not but that is apart if who he is.I am not wrong for feeling the way I feel.I would think at this point in our life we wouldn't be so damn judgemental of others.Especially of our friends.We are always so busy worrying about other people and their relationships that we forget to look at our own.Most of the time while we are judging our own relationship is falling to pieces.We sometimes forget that our friends and family will not date who we would like them to date.I made the decision a long time ago to not discuss my relationship with anyone except the person I am in a relationship with.I don't regret anything that has happened or will happen in the future.Everything we go through together is ours.Our moments and our twisted relationship.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Monster In Law

So I have made it up in my mind that one day I am going to get married.I want to have a small wedding with just family and close friends.But that is not the reason I am writing.When I do decide to take that step in life I hope that am blessed with a nice mother in law.Today I listened to someone who talked about their daughter in law in a not so nice way.I listened but the whole time I thought to myself I hope that I do not have to put up with this when I get married.I hope that I marry into a family that will accept me with open arms.Not one who will give me a hard time just because I am the outsider.I wonder how this person would feel they were treated like this.Not respected because they are not biologically family.It is not right to treat someone that because you wanted something different for your son or daughter.If that person is treat them with respect and doing their part in the marriage than you should not disrespect them.If your son/daughter is still with that person than they must be happy in that marriage or something.It really got under my skin because you don't know what that person has to go through with your son/daughter.If they respect you than you should respect them.You can't expect someone to give you all this respect and you not respect them.I know if it was me I would have went off a long time ago.They would have a reason not to like me because I would not put up with all the nonsense.
**Sunday night on my way home from Mississippi I was texting a really close friend of mine who has hinted around the idea of us taking our relationship to the next level.I was asked the question where do I stand with you?Where do we go from here? I am so confused about this person.Taking a little time to think it out.Will write more later.
Peace and Love!

Friday, April 2, 2010

April 2,2009

Today I would like to take a few minutes to say something special about a very special man.Rev.Horace N Mitchell.Today we mark a year that we lost a very special man.He was someone that we thought would be here forever.We never imagined a day that he wouldn't be around.A day that he wouldn't be here to share in those special moments in life.But on this day last year we lost him.So I take a few minutes today to think him and all the good things he had done over his life.Everyone knew where he stood.Take a little time to say I love you while they are here.Take a moment to spend time with them and show them how much they mean to you while they are here.But I think that he knew how much he was needed and loved.So today we say I love and miss you more than you know.
Peace and Love!

Monday, March 29, 2010

He Use To Give Me Butterflies

Do you remember the first time you met that person that gave you butterflies? You got lost in their eyes when they talked.Held their hand while you watch t.v. Just knowing that person was in the room with you was all you needed.I remember the first time I met him.Over the weekend I was looking for something and found a poem that he wrote me.It bought back some good memories.Carefree moments in life that I sometime wish I could relive with him over and over. But after a few minutes of living in the past I folded the piece of paper back up and put it away in my box.This morning while I was getting dressed for work my phone rung and guess who it was.It was him.After a few seconds of looking at the phone I answered.The conversation went like this in the beginning.
Me:Hello
Him:T,how are you?
Me:Good.Who is this?
Even thought I knew who he was the whole time.
Him:Don't act like you don't know who I am.It's been a long time since we talked.
Me:It has been a long time but who's fault is that.
Maybe I shouldn't have started out with an attitude but that was me putting my guard up.The first couple of minutes were awkward and quiet.I didn't know what to say.But after a few minutes I remember why we worked so well.It all falls into place so easy.The conversation flowed like we had never stopped talking.At one time we fit together like pieces to a puzzle.We could finish each others' sentences.Most of the time when we were together we didn't talk.We just lived in the moment while we were together.Our conversations have been about everything from religion to socks.Weird I know but yes we had a conversation about our favorite socks.We finally got around to the reason he called this morning.During our relationship we spent 99% of it was spent on the phone.When we were together we often went off into our own little world.A world where we talked about the next steps we were going to take in our life together.But life took over and ended up going our separate ways.Our last conversation wasn't one of our best.With everything going on in our life we lost each other somewhere in the middle and forgot the most important thing.We forgot about our friendship.Maybe this our chance to be friends again.We were different from my other relationships.I always say I want to fall in love under the stars.That was always the one thing we had in common.No matter where he was we could always find each other in the stars.Today we agreed on one thing.Never let anything come between our friendship.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

**Over the last couple of weeks I have taken some much needed time to think about some things that are going on in my life right now.I know that I have been known to give my opinion on things and say what I think is right.But for once I am going to take my own advice.I am letting go.Letting go of all the bad habits that are stopping me from doing all the things that I want to do.Stop second guessing myself and just do it.Relax a little and stop being so uptight about things.Yes I can admit that I can be uptight about things.Letting go of people.I can not make anyone do or be who I want them to be.We often hold on to people that mean us no good.I know that I have held on to one person that means me no good.It is not worth the stress and the worrying of what is going to happen next.So I am letting him go.It was a hard decision to make but I did it.Things have been so much better since he has been gone.I am happy with every decision that I have made in the last couple of weeks.I love this feeling of being free and not worrying about other things.
**Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and all they they could do was complain about what they don't have.It really rubbed me the wrong way.Be thankful for what you have.Be thankful that you have life.Some people didn't get to see their next birthday.You have a place to stay and food to eat.On the mornings that I go to Starbucks I pass a homeless women.You could be that homeless person tomorrow if you aren't careful.Sometimes we complain but take a minute to look at the things you do have.Be thankful!
Peace and Love!

Friday, March 12, 2010

I Can't Sleep So I'll Write

It is not often that I can't sleep.But tonight is one of those nights.Bare with me for a minute.I have this friend that I have known since I was a kid.We have shared a lot of moments together.We talk about everything together.I love her like she is my sister.The other night we talking and I realized something.She is living in a fantasy world.She does want to grow and face the responsibilities that she has.sometime we all want to run away for the responsibilities that we have on daily basis but we know that can not happen.At some point we have to grow up and deal with the path that we have decided to talk in life.I have said to her that maybe it is time to grow up just a little and focus on you.Not what other people think or having a mate at your side.Learn to love you and become comfortable in your own skin.Being in a relationship should not come before your children.Being in a relationship should not become your world.sometimes I wish I could just hug her and say that you are beautiful and smart.You can do anything that you set your mind to.Your situation right now does not define what you will be.I want her to grow up and see that being an adult can be fun.I will help you through your journey.I can those things to her everyday and she will not get it until she is read.So I pray for her every night.I pray that one she will understand and that she is kept safe.That is all I can do for her right now.
**Earlier tonight I was talking to the Music Junkie.I hadn't talk to him lately because we had a small disagreement.But we are over that now.I can always get an honest answer out of him.He looks at life like it is a blank canvas and he does not have a problem with painting it.I wish that I could be as care free as he is.I want to not care about what people think about me.Live my life I am in it alone.I want to work on my own schedule.I envy that about him.I envy his calm and never nervous spirit.You always get a good vibe from him and we need more people like that in the world.He always says that I need to relax and just go with the flow of life.Go with what you feel.Stand in the rain and wash yourself clean of everyone else's judgements of you.Learn to be happy for no reason.Cover yourself in whatever it is you love.Wear you heart on you sleeve like it is a badge.Live the life that you want so that you will not have regrets later.Good Night!
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Now I am not one to put my family issues out for all to know.But I feel like I do need to say something about this.Everyone that really knows me know that last summer my sister and I had a disagreement that turned into something way bigger than I could have imagined.Long story short our relationship has not been the same.I have apologized to her for anything that may have been taken the wrong way.I won't give all the details of what happened but I will say that another person is involved.This person would be her boyfriend.Over the weekend I found out that they have decided to get married. I knew that he wanted to ask her but I had no idea he had actually asked.Other family members got text messages and phone calls to spend the news.But I received neither.Facebook friends wrote how happy they were to hear the news.I still have not received a call, text message or email with the news.Maybe I am reading too much into this but my feelings were hurt.No matter what happened between us we are still sisters.We are still family.You may not like what happened but I would still react the way I did.I can put up with a lot of things but disrespect is not one of those things.I have no idea if she will let me know but at this point I am starting to not care.I wish that we had the relationship we had this time last year.Am I being to sensitive about the whole thing?Maybe I should just get over it and move on from the whole thing.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

**Earlier today I was having a conversation and it quickly turned to race. I hate these type of conversations because it just leads to an argument. But I wanted to get my point across.I am one of those people that grew up with different races of people.So I never paid it any attention. Yes I knew they looked different but it didn't bother me.All I knew is that I was having fun and nothing else mattered.But that is beside the point.Well the conversation started after I was asked about a article talking about black women dating men of other races.I did not have to think about my answer at all. I said if it makes her happy then go for it. Do what makes you happy. Well the person I was talking to did not like that answer. She goes on to say that it is wrong and that we as black women should date and marry black men.WOW!I was ready to go head to head with her now. Why should we only date black men?Who said that we have to only date black men? That is crazy. Date whoever you want. As long as that person respects you and treats you like you should be treated. They can be purple for all I care. I am not saying anything against our brothers but some of you need to step your game up.If you have ever seen a black women with someone that is not black comments are made.People stare like they have never seen it before.Comments are made like stay black sista.That is not called for.You don't know those two peoples story.But respect a persons choice to be with who makes them happy.Happy or love is not about the color of a persons skin.It is something so much bigger than that.I got tired of going back and forth after a few minutes so I told her you date who want.I hope that you find it and not miss out on something good.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Secrets

We all have them.We carry them with us every where we go.Sometimes we tuck them away in secrets places and forget about them.But sometimes we look them in the face everyday.Our secrets are apart of who we are.The other night I was talking to some friends and a comment was made that silenced the whole room.Someone told another persons secret.How do you come back from that? How do you say I am sorry for sharing something you said you wouldn't tell?I can not imagine being that person.I can not imagine having my most personal secret shared.Who are we tell other peoples most private moments?Who are we to throw stones at your glass house when ours is cracked?I have my secret and I feel it with to me everyday.I wake, work and sleep with it daily.Sometimes I feel like I am going to burst open if I don't say anything.But then I say that everyone doesn't need to know.This morning I woke up with my secret feeling like today was the day it would no longer be a secret.I have those moments sometimes when things are going good.But it's best I leave it the way it is.Think about what you say before you say it sometimes.How would you feel if your secrets were put out there for the world to know?To be judged for them by someone who has done something far more worst than you have.We should never judge a person for what they have done or been through.We don't know their story.So the next time you have the urge to tell another persons secret think about your own.How would you feel if it was your secret told?I love my secret more than I thought I ever could but is it for the world to know?Maybe one day I will tell what it is.But until then I will be reminded of it every morning when I wake up.
Peace and Love!

Monday, February 1, 2010

I Am.....A Revolutionary

"You can kill a revolutionary, but you can't kill the revolution" Fred Hampton
In school we don't learn about people like Fred Hampton.Even in our African American history classes.They touch on the people that we know like Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X.Now I do think this is a problem.I was in high school when I first heard the name Fred Hampton.I didn't have the sense then to look him up and find out more about him.Who is Fred Hampton? He was the leader of the Illinois Black Panther Party.Community organizer.Member of the NAACP.A leader. He decided to dedicate his life to the progress of the poor people.Fred Hampton joined the Black Panther Party in November of 1968.Over the next year he made his way through the ranks of the Black Panthers quickly.It was not long before he was leader of the Chicago chapter of the Black Panthers.During his time as leader he played a very important role in getting the free breakfast program for the children in the mornings and getting clinics in poor neighborhoods.This was also around the time that the FBI started to take an interest in the Black Panther Party and it's leaders.Some say that they saw them as a threat.That they had the power to build a revolution that could overthrow the government.No matter what they did to try and stop him he kept on going.He had a fight to fight and he was fighting it head on.The Black Panther Party offices were raided on numerous occasions.They were beat by the Chicago Police department.Food and medical supplies were destroyed.Offices set on fire.None of that stopped them from fighting.It made them fight harder.Going to jail could not stop Fred Hampton from doing his job.On December 4,1969 at 4:45 am the police raided his apartment on the west side of Chicago.The Black Panthers fired one shot and the rest of the bullets fired came from them the police.Some reports say 90 bullets and others say 100.Fred Hampton never had a chance to react.To make sure he was dead they shot him twice in the head.His body was then dragged into the hallway and left in a pool of blood.Other Black Panthers that were in the apartment were shot at as well and later taken to jail.It was a sad day in the Black neighborhood.It was a sad every where.I would like to say that those days are over but I don't believe that I can say that honestly.A few feared the power that he possessed so they needed to find a way to silence him.Jail could not silence him.Raiding his offices could not silence him.He was not afraid of the police.He took them on head on.So they came up with a plan to silence him for good.The community pushed to have the police officers charged for the murder of Fred Hampton and Mark Clark.They were cleared on all charges against them.Not many young people today know who he is and what he stood for.I think that is a shame that we are not taught about people like him.We have to teach ourselves about other black leaders.I once heard a women on the bus say that her child had to write a paper on a black leader but it could not be Malcolm X or Martin Luther King Jr.She goes on to say that it was not anyone else for them to write about.It is sad that our black people don't know the names of the people that dedicated and gave their lives to the advancement of our people.I don't want anyone to think that I am taking anything away from Malcolm X and Martin Luther King Jr because I am not.They gave their life for what they believed in.But they should teach us about more black leaders that fought the fight.I read an article and the writer said we should celebrate people like Fred Hampton and others like him more.I agree with him 100%.Yes we should celebrate them more.How many people in the city of Chicago know that December 4th is Fred Hampton Day?Not too many.He stood for something that he lived and breathed until he took his last breathe.Today not many people can say they have that passion.We don't stand for much these days.Everyone is out for self.Find something to believe in.Find something to fight for.So I leave you with these words."I've been gone for a little while.At least my body's been gone for a little while.But I'm back now.And I believe I'm back to stay.I believe I am going to do my job.And I believe that I was not born to die in a car wreck.I don't believe I'm going to die slipping on a piece of ice.I don't believe I'm going to die because I got a bad heart.I don't believe to die because of lung cancer.I do believe that I'm going to be able to die doing the things I was born for.I believe that I'm going to be able to die high off the people.I believe that I will be able to die as Revolutionary in the International Revolutionary Proletarian Struggle.And I hope that each of you will to die in the International Proletarian revolutionary Struggle.Or you'll be able t live in it.And I think that struggles going to come.Why don't you live for the people?Why don't you struggle for the people? Why don't you die for the people?" Fred Hampton.I wonder what he would have become if he had lived past the age of 21.Let's take some time to remember people like Fred Hampton who fought for the people and died for the people.People that gave their life so that we can have the life that we are living now.Our struggle is far from over but it is people like him that made our struggle a little easier today.Let's not forget his name.Let's remember that on December 4,1969 that he gave his life for a cause.He gave his life for the people.Peace and love!

Monday, January 25, 2010

Random thoughts

*Yesterday I spent some much needed time with my family to celebrate my aunts birthday.We had a really good time but it was a few things that stuck out to me.We don't do that enough.Sometimes we go months in between seeing each other and that is not a good look.We always find time for other people and things but not enough time for family.I do love my family and yes we do have our issues so we should make time for each other.I always say that I am going to make more time for my loved ones but I really don't.But it was nice to see the family and feel the unconditional love for each other.
*I have been minding my own business this past week.But I have to say something about this.I have written on trust before.Let me tell you the story.Friday evening I was talking to guy friend of mine.He was telling me about his relationship and that he was seeing someone on the side.I am not surprised that he said that but why stay with someone you don't want to be with.I didn't say anything cause I know how he is.He will go into this rant about how she has hurt him and all that he does for her.But that still doesn't make it right.I would rather you leave me than cheat on me.Maybe that is just my opinion.Don't be an ass to her because you feel like you can.
*Over the weekend I talked to my favorite the Music Junkie.We really didn't talk about anything serious this time.It was a conversation about nothing.Very random and funny.It was the first time in a long time that I relaxed and just laughed.I needed that.I didn't think about my answers.I just said whatever came to my mind.I like those type of conversations.I need to have more of them.At the end of the conversation he gave one of his sayings.Fall in love with the moon and make love to the stars.Get lost in the sky and play in the clouds for a little while.I liked that.Then he went in to something else and he lost me lol.Sometimes he goes off into his own world.I can totally understand that part of him cause sometimes I go off into my own world.
Peace and love!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I want to dance in the rain.I don't really know why but it seems like it would be fun.Play in the ocean.Walk on the beach at midnight and hold hands with the love of my life.I want to cook the perfect meal for my family.Hold them in my arms and not let them go.Cherish every moment with them.Say I love you until it starts to annoy them.Drive a mustage because they go fast.Not have a care in the world for one day.Laugh until my stomach hurts.Walk in mud because it feels funny on my feet.Have a food fight with my friends.Just lay on the floor and look up at the ceiling.Get lost in my thoughts about nothing.I want to make up some wild story about how I met my husband(When I get married lol).How he chased me for months.Stood outside my window and sung my favorite songs until I fell asleep at night.I wish I had a pen that could write on the nights sky.Every night I would write a new story.I want to have a baby with big brown eyes that looks like me but has the personality of it's father.I want to knit scrafs for those that don't have one.Dance for hours for no reason at all.Wear my pajamas everywhere for a week.I would change them every day lol.Jump from a plane.Whisper to my friends like I am telling them a secret.But it would be nothing.Lay my head on my mothers lap like a kid so that I can feel safe.Make someone serious laugh.Write a song.Play the guitar.None of this makes sense but just take a moment to dream with me.Take a moment out of your day to just day dream.Not long but a minute.A moment that will put a smile on your face.Something that will make you laught to yourself.Sometime you have to dream to keep from crying.So I dare you to dream for just a little while.No one has to know what you are doing.But dream a dream that only you can dream.Peace and Love!

Georgia Star

The other day my friend asked me where did I get my name Georgia Star.He said you are not from Georgia.I have gone back and forth about if I could write this but I guess I should.Georgia was my friend.We lived around the corner from each other in Mississippi.Our mothers were best friends.Rode bikes together.Slept at each others house.Disagreed and sometimes we fought.She was the sister I always wanted.My best friend.Partner in crime.We got into a lot of trouble together.The time we rode our bikes down to the river.We couldn't go past the town hall for weeks.Cut my bangs into what we thought was a real style.Planned our life out together.At this point in our life we were suppose to be living in LA, married with at least one baby and a rock star career.But we never to got to that dream.October 11,1995 is a day that I will always remember.My friend and her mother were killed on that day.I can remember that day like it was yesterday.I remember what I had on and what my brother had on.It was still hot enough for us to have on shorts and t-shirts.We were getting ready to go to church.It was a Wednesday evening around 6pm when we found out.The world that I had built came crashing down around me.It didn't make sense to me then and doesn't make make sense to me now.Sometimes I think back to all the days we spent hanging out on the swing set in the yard.Riding our bikes around in circles because we didn't have anything else to do.Playing at the track.Going to church and singing in the choir together.Making up some kind of club.Laying over on Millie and she rubbing my head.Her laugh and smile.Those are the days that I miss.Georgia never got to live a full life.She never got to experience being a teenager, high school, 18th and 21st birthday.People complain about all that they haven't done in their life and I think at least you had the chance to see your next birthday.You got the chance to live a very full life up until this point.I find myself complaining sometimes and I stop.No I didn't move to LA and I am not married.No rock star career.But I have done some of the things on our list.I still have it and I keep it put away in a special place.I got a tattoo.My hair was red.I tasted alcohol.I cut all my hair off for no reason at all.I laugh at all the silly stuff that comes my way.I try to sing all the songs that come on the radio.Sometimes I get lost in the clouds and play a game with myself.What does that cloud look like? Let the rain hit me in my face sometimes.I even added somethings to the list as I got older.But sometime I want to have a conversation with the grown Georgia.What would she be like? Would she look the same? Have the same laugh?Would she have dated my brother? I like to think that would have been a cute couple. Would my life be different?I lost more than a friend that day.I lost a piece of myself that day.How do you deal with the pain afterwards and the fear?I sometimes find myself looking over my shoulder.Being very careful about who I let into my personal space.The last day we saw Millie and Georgia was so sunny and bright outside.We had been riding bikes and playing.When they got ready to walk home someone said goodbye.Millie turned around and laughed a laugh that only she could.She said don't say goodbye because I am going to see tomorrow.She said say see you later.Tomorrow never came.So now when I leave someones I never say goodbye.I always make a point to say see you later.I will see you tomorrow.That sticks with me to this day.So I get my name from Georgia.She is the star shining the brightest at night.My friend that sometimes I feel next me when I am when I am scared.I guess it is not goodbye for us.One day we are going to meet again and we will have a lot to talk about.It will be like old times.I wish I had known that was our last today because I would have said I love you and I don't know what I am going to do without my sister.How can I do all these things without you here to help me?I sometimes feel bad because I never told them that I love you.Three simple words that I never said.I didn't hug them when they walked away.I just stood there and watched then walk down the hill.Not saying anything.Just standing there.I know people say you were just a kid so how would you know what to say.I would say I love you and I will think of you every time I feel wind on my face.Every time I see a tulip.Red tulips cause that is what grew in your yard by the swing set.I will remember your funky attitude that sometime got you in trouble.I would hug you tight and whisper it will be ok.You would think that I would be able to write this and not cry but I can't.I cry because this is the first time I have ever written about them.It has taken me 14 years to get this on paper and I feel like it happened yesterday.I feel like that little kid standing in the yard watching my mother cry.Standing in the house watching my brother hit the wall.Watching people come past the house just to be nosey and say that they were there.Tell the people in your life that you love them.Hug them tight.Cherish the little moments.If I could have any day it would be the ones when Brian, Georgia, and I rode our bikes down that big hill.Just to feel the wind on our face.I felt free.Like a bird almost.We were so care free.So friend that is where my name comes from.Georgia Star!Peace and Love!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Music Junkie

I have a thing for giving people names that I can remember them for.That way I will never forget what to call you.So I have this friend that I call the Music Junkie.We are a odd team.We usually don't agree on much but the one thing we always agree on is music.The other day he came over for tea and have a good heart to heart about what is new in our life.I'll give you a little background on him.If I had to use one word to describe him it would be unique.He is the guy that seem uncomfortable in his own skin but really has more confidence than anyone you've ever met.He is careful and lives everyday like it is his last.Plus we sometimes exchange recipes.I got the tea made and he took out the muffins he had got.We talked a minute and that's when he asked me a question.When was the last time you felt free?I could not give him a straight answer because I did not remember.I stumbled over the answer I gave and asked him the same question.He did not have to think about his answer or come up with one.He said I feel free every time I wake up because I have no idea what my next move is going to be.One other thing about him is that he is a full time artist so his hours are different from ours.I have heard him say that he has got out of his bed at 3 am to sit on his back porch for fresh air.After our conversation ended he gave me a piece of paper.He does this often.So I waited until he left to read it.Sometimes it is a saying that he has come up with or a quote that he really liked.But what it is said was simple.Take a little time to relax your mind and enjoy the things around you.Take a little time to feel your own love and bask in it like the sun.Fall in love with something simple today.Write your dreams and hopes across the sky with the clouds.Drown yourself in art and watch what happens.Magic!To my favorite flower child.I must admit that I teared up a little after reading this.I never knew he looked at me like a flower child.But I do dance to the beat of my own drummer.So today I say take some time to be with you and enjoy the flowers on your journey to where ever it may be.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I posted a blog the other day that I shouldn't have posted at the moment.Maybe I will erase it.But I will talk about what happened.I was upset and I let my emotions get the best of me.Side note: I think it is time for a name change for Matt.Let's call him Eric for now.Yes Eric and I did have an argument.But that is not unusual for us.No he didn't disrespect me the way I may have made it seem.When you argue sometimes you say things that you may not mean.We both said things that were out of line and shouldn't have been said to the other person.So I do apologized to him for the things that I said to him.But I still have questions.Where do we draw the line in this crazy relationship that we continue to have with one another?How long are we going to play this game we have mastered?Today I read another blog about being in love with the wrong person.Could I actually be in love with the wrong person?Could we actually hurt each other more than we intend to?I know that our list of cons are longer than our list of pros will ever be but I stick around with the hope that maybe one day it will all turn around.Maybe one day we will go back to the I can't get enough of you days.The days were all I needed to hear was your voice and I was ok days.The sleeping on your chest and waking up to you days.But we don't have days like that anymore.Even in our so called friendship we have more bad days than good.Over the next few days I am going to take some time to think about this and figure out what I am going to do.Take some of my own advice for once in my life.
Peace and Love!