Monday, January 25, 2010

Random thoughts

*Yesterday I spent some much needed time with my family to celebrate my aunts birthday.We had a really good time but it was a few things that stuck out to me.We don't do that enough.Sometimes we go months in between seeing each other and that is not a good look.We always find time for other people and things but not enough time for family.I do love my family and yes we do have our issues so we should make time for each other.I always say that I am going to make more time for my loved ones but I really don't.But it was nice to see the family and feel the unconditional love for each other.
*I have been minding my own business this past week.But I have to say something about this.I have written on trust before.Let me tell you the story.Friday evening I was talking to guy friend of mine.He was telling me about his relationship and that he was seeing someone on the side.I am not surprised that he said that but why stay with someone you don't want to be with.I didn't say anything cause I know how he is.He will go into this rant about how she has hurt him and all that he does for her.But that still doesn't make it right.I would rather you leave me than cheat on me.Maybe that is just my opinion.Don't be an ass to her because you feel like you can.
*Over the weekend I talked to my favorite the Music Junkie.We really didn't talk about anything serious this time.It was a conversation about nothing.Very random and funny.It was the first time in a long time that I relaxed and just laughed.I needed that.I didn't think about my answers.I just said whatever came to my mind.I like those type of conversations.I need to have more of them.At the end of the conversation he gave one of his sayings.Fall in love with the moon and make love to the stars.Get lost in the sky and play in the clouds for a little while.I liked that.Then he went in to something else and he lost me lol.Sometimes he goes off into his own world.I can totally understand that part of him cause sometimes I go off into my own world.
Peace and love!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

I want to dance in the rain.I don't really know why but it seems like it would be fun.Play in the ocean.Walk on the beach at midnight and hold hands with the love of my life.I want to cook the perfect meal for my family.Hold them in my arms and not let them go.Cherish every moment with them.Say I love you until it starts to annoy them.Drive a mustage because they go fast.Not have a care in the world for one day.Laugh until my stomach hurts.Walk in mud because it feels funny on my feet.Have a food fight with my friends.Just lay on the floor and look up at the ceiling.Get lost in my thoughts about nothing.I want to make up some wild story about how I met my husband(When I get married lol).How he chased me for months.Stood outside my window and sung my favorite songs until I fell asleep at night.I wish I had a pen that could write on the nights sky.Every night I would write a new story.I want to have a baby with big brown eyes that looks like me but has the personality of it's father.I want to knit scrafs for those that don't have one.Dance for hours for no reason at all.Wear my pajamas everywhere for a week.I would change them every day lol.Jump from a plane.Whisper to my friends like I am telling them a secret.But it would be nothing.Lay my head on my mothers lap like a kid so that I can feel safe.Make someone serious laugh.Write a song.Play the guitar.None of this makes sense but just take a moment to dream with me.Take a moment out of your day to just day dream.Not long but a minute.A moment that will put a smile on your face.Something that will make you laught to yourself.Sometime you have to dream to keep from crying.So I dare you to dream for just a little while.No one has to know what you are doing.But dream a dream that only you can dream.Peace and Love!

Georgia Star

The other day my friend asked me where did I get my name Georgia Star.He said you are not from Georgia.I have gone back and forth about if I could write this but I guess I should.Georgia was my friend.We lived around the corner from each other in Mississippi.Our mothers were best friends.Rode bikes together.Slept at each others house.Disagreed and sometimes we fought.She was the sister I always wanted.My best friend.Partner in crime.We got into a lot of trouble together.The time we rode our bikes down to the river.We couldn't go past the town hall for weeks.Cut my bangs into what we thought was a real style.Planned our life out together.At this point in our life we were suppose to be living in LA, married with at least one baby and a rock star career.But we never to got to that dream.October 11,1995 is a day that I will always remember.My friend and her mother were killed on that day.I can remember that day like it was yesterday.I remember what I had on and what my brother had on.It was still hot enough for us to have on shorts and t-shirts.We were getting ready to go to church.It was a Wednesday evening around 6pm when we found out.The world that I had built came crashing down around me.It didn't make sense to me then and doesn't make make sense to me now.Sometimes I think back to all the days we spent hanging out on the swing set in the yard.Riding our bikes around in circles because we didn't have anything else to do.Playing at the track.Going to church and singing in the choir together.Making up some kind of club.Laying over on Millie and she rubbing my head.Her laugh and smile.Those are the days that I miss.Georgia never got to live a full life.She never got to experience being a teenager, high school, 18th and 21st birthday.People complain about all that they haven't done in their life and I think at least you had the chance to see your next birthday.You got the chance to live a very full life up until this point.I find myself complaining sometimes and I stop.No I didn't move to LA and I am not married.No rock star career.But I have done some of the things on our list.I still have it and I keep it put away in a special place.I got a tattoo.My hair was red.I tasted alcohol.I cut all my hair off for no reason at all.I laugh at all the silly stuff that comes my way.I try to sing all the songs that come on the radio.Sometimes I get lost in the clouds and play a game with myself.What does that cloud look like? Let the rain hit me in my face sometimes.I even added somethings to the list as I got older.But sometime I want to have a conversation with the grown Georgia.What would she be like? Would she look the same? Have the same laugh?Would she have dated my brother? I like to think that would have been a cute couple. Would my life be different?I lost more than a friend that day.I lost a piece of myself that day.How do you deal with the pain afterwards and the fear?I sometimes find myself looking over my shoulder.Being very careful about who I let into my personal space.The last day we saw Millie and Georgia was so sunny and bright outside.We had been riding bikes and playing.When they got ready to walk home someone said goodbye.Millie turned around and laughed a laugh that only she could.She said don't say goodbye because I am going to see tomorrow.She said say see you later.Tomorrow never came.So now when I leave someones I never say goodbye.I always make a point to say see you later.I will see you tomorrow.That sticks with me to this day.So I get my name from Georgia.She is the star shining the brightest at night.My friend that sometimes I feel next me when I am when I am scared.I guess it is not goodbye for us.One day we are going to meet again and we will have a lot to talk about.It will be like old times.I wish I had known that was our last today because I would have said I love you and I don't know what I am going to do without my sister.How can I do all these things without you here to help me?I sometimes feel bad because I never told them that I love you.Three simple words that I never said.I didn't hug them when they walked away.I just stood there and watched then walk down the hill.Not saying anything.Just standing there.I know people say you were just a kid so how would you know what to say.I would say I love you and I will think of you every time I feel wind on my face.Every time I see a tulip.Red tulips cause that is what grew in your yard by the swing set.I will remember your funky attitude that sometime got you in trouble.I would hug you tight and whisper it will be ok.You would think that I would be able to write this and not cry but I can't.I cry because this is the first time I have ever written about them.It has taken me 14 years to get this on paper and I feel like it happened yesterday.I feel like that little kid standing in the yard watching my mother cry.Standing in the house watching my brother hit the wall.Watching people come past the house just to be nosey and say that they were there.Tell the people in your life that you love them.Hug them tight.Cherish the little moments.If I could have any day it would be the ones when Brian, Georgia, and I rode our bikes down that big hill.Just to feel the wind on our face.I felt free.Like a bird almost.We were so care free.So friend that is where my name comes from.Georgia Star!Peace and Love!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Music Junkie

I have a thing for giving people names that I can remember them for.That way I will never forget what to call you.So I have this friend that I call the Music Junkie.We are a odd team.We usually don't agree on much but the one thing we always agree on is music.The other day he came over for tea and have a good heart to heart about what is new in our life.I'll give you a little background on him.If I had to use one word to describe him it would be unique.He is the guy that seem uncomfortable in his own skin but really has more confidence than anyone you've ever met.He is careful and lives everyday like it is his last.Plus we sometimes exchange recipes.I got the tea made and he took out the muffins he had got.We talked a minute and that's when he asked me a question.When was the last time you felt free?I could not give him a straight answer because I did not remember.I stumbled over the answer I gave and asked him the same question.He did not have to think about his answer or come up with one.He said I feel free every time I wake up because I have no idea what my next move is going to be.One other thing about him is that he is a full time artist so his hours are different from ours.I have heard him say that he has got out of his bed at 3 am to sit on his back porch for fresh air.After our conversation ended he gave me a piece of paper.He does this often.So I waited until he left to read it.Sometimes it is a saying that he has come up with or a quote that he really liked.But what it is said was simple.Take a little time to relax your mind and enjoy the things around you.Take a little time to feel your own love and bask in it like the sun.Fall in love with something simple today.Write your dreams and hopes across the sky with the clouds.Drown yourself in art and watch what happens.Magic!To my favorite flower child.I must admit that I teared up a little after reading this.I never knew he looked at me like a flower child.But I do dance to the beat of my own drummer.So today I say take some time to be with you and enjoy the flowers on your journey to where ever it may be.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

I posted a blog the other day that I shouldn't have posted at the moment.Maybe I will erase it.But I will talk about what happened.I was upset and I let my emotions get the best of me.Side note: I think it is time for a name change for Matt.Let's call him Eric for now.Yes Eric and I did have an argument.But that is not unusual for us.No he didn't disrespect me the way I may have made it seem.When you argue sometimes you say things that you may not mean.We both said things that were out of line and shouldn't have been said to the other person.So I do apologized to him for the things that I said to him.But I still have questions.Where do we draw the line in this crazy relationship that we continue to have with one another?How long are we going to play this game we have mastered?Today I read another blog about being in love with the wrong person.Could I actually be in love with the wrong person?Could we actually hurt each other more than we intend to?I know that our list of cons are longer than our list of pros will ever be but I stick around with the hope that maybe one day it will all turn around.Maybe one day we will go back to the I can't get enough of you days.The days were all I needed to hear was your voice and I was ok days.The sleeping on your chest and waking up to you days.But we don't have days like that anymore.Even in our so called friendship we have more bad days than good.Over the next few days I am going to take some time to think about this and figure out what I am going to do.Take some of my own advice for once in my life.
Peace and Love!