Monday, March 29, 2010

He Use To Give Me Butterflies

Do you remember the first time you met that person that gave you butterflies? You got lost in their eyes when they talked.Held their hand while you watch t.v. Just knowing that person was in the room with you was all you needed.I remember the first time I met him.Over the weekend I was looking for something and found a poem that he wrote me.It bought back some good memories.Carefree moments in life that I sometime wish I could relive with him over and over. But after a few minutes of living in the past I folded the piece of paper back up and put it away in my box.This morning while I was getting dressed for work my phone rung and guess who it was.It was him.After a few seconds of looking at the phone I answered.The conversation went like this in the beginning.
Me:Hello
Him:T,how are you?
Me:Good.Who is this?
Even thought I knew who he was the whole time.
Him:Don't act like you don't know who I am.It's been a long time since we talked.
Me:It has been a long time but who's fault is that.
Maybe I shouldn't have started out with an attitude but that was me putting my guard up.The first couple of minutes were awkward and quiet.I didn't know what to say.But after a few minutes I remember why we worked so well.It all falls into place so easy.The conversation flowed like we had never stopped talking.At one time we fit together like pieces to a puzzle.We could finish each others' sentences.Most of the time when we were together we didn't talk.We just lived in the moment while we were together.Our conversations have been about everything from religion to socks.Weird I know but yes we had a conversation about our favorite socks.We finally got around to the reason he called this morning.During our relationship we spent 99% of it was spent on the phone.When we were together we often went off into our own little world.A world where we talked about the next steps we were going to take in our life together.But life took over and ended up going our separate ways.Our last conversation wasn't one of our best.With everything going on in our life we lost each other somewhere in the middle and forgot the most important thing.We forgot about our friendship.Maybe this our chance to be friends again.We were different from my other relationships.I always say I want to fall in love under the stars.That was always the one thing we had in common.No matter where he was we could always find each other in the stars.Today we agreed on one thing.Never let anything come between our friendship.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

**Over the last couple of weeks I have taken some much needed time to think about some things that are going on in my life right now.I know that I have been known to give my opinion on things and say what I think is right.But for once I am going to take my own advice.I am letting go.Letting go of all the bad habits that are stopping me from doing all the things that I want to do.Stop second guessing myself and just do it.Relax a little and stop being so uptight about things.Yes I can admit that I can be uptight about things.Letting go of people.I can not make anyone do or be who I want them to be.We often hold on to people that mean us no good.I know that I have held on to one person that means me no good.It is not worth the stress and the worrying of what is going to happen next.So I am letting him go.It was a hard decision to make but I did it.Things have been so much better since he has been gone.I am happy with every decision that I have made in the last couple of weeks.I love this feeling of being free and not worrying about other things.
**Yesterday I was talking to one of my friends and all they they could do was complain about what they don't have.It really rubbed me the wrong way.Be thankful for what you have.Be thankful that you have life.Some people didn't get to see their next birthday.You have a place to stay and food to eat.On the mornings that I go to Starbucks I pass a homeless women.You could be that homeless person tomorrow if you aren't careful.Sometimes we complain but take a minute to look at the things you do have.Be thankful!
Peace and Love!

Friday, March 12, 2010

I Can't Sleep So I'll Write

It is not often that I can't sleep.But tonight is one of those nights.Bare with me for a minute.I have this friend that I have known since I was a kid.We have shared a lot of moments together.We talk about everything together.I love her like she is my sister.The other night we talking and I realized something.She is living in a fantasy world.She does want to grow and face the responsibilities that she has.sometime we all want to run away for the responsibilities that we have on daily basis but we know that can not happen.At some point we have to grow up and deal with the path that we have decided to talk in life.I have said to her that maybe it is time to grow up just a little and focus on you.Not what other people think or having a mate at your side.Learn to love you and become comfortable in your own skin.Being in a relationship should not come before your children.Being in a relationship should not become your world.sometimes I wish I could just hug her and say that you are beautiful and smart.You can do anything that you set your mind to.Your situation right now does not define what you will be.I want her to grow up and see that being an adult can be fun.I will help you through your journey.I can those things to her everyday and she will not get it until she is read.So I pray for her every night.I pray that one she will understand and that she is kept safe.That is all I can do for her right now.
**Earlier tonight I was talking to the Music Junkie.I hadn't talk to him lately because we had a small disagreement.But we are over that now.I can always get an honest answer out of him.He looks at life like it is a blank canvas and he does not have a problem with painting it.I wish that I could be as care free as he is.I want to not care about what people think about me.Live my life I am in it alone.I want to work on my own schedule.I envy that about him.I envy his calm and never nervous spirit.You always get a good vibe from him and we need more people like that in the world.He always says that I need to relax and just go with the flow of life.Go with what you feel.Stand in the rain and wash yourself clean of everyone else's judgements of you.Learn to be happy for no reason.Cover yourself in whatever it is you love.Wear you heart on you sleeve like it is a badge.Live the life that you want so that you will not have regrets later.Good Night!
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Now I am not one to put my family issues out for all to know.But I feel like I do need to say something about this.Everyone that really knows me know that last summer my sister and I had a disagreement that turned into something way bigger than I could have imagined.Long story short our relationship has not been the same.I have apologized to her for anything that may have been taken the wrong way.I won't give all the details of what happened but I will say that another person is involved.This person would be her boyfriend.Over the weekend I found out that they have decided to get married. I knew that he wanted to ask her but I had no idea he had actually asked.Other family members got text messages and phone calls to spend the news.But I received neither.Facebook friends wrote how happy they were to hear the news.I still have not received a call, text message or email with the news.Maybe I am reading too much into this but my feelings were hurt.No matter what happened between us we are still sisters.We are still family.You may not like what happened but I would still react the way I did.I can put up with a lot of things but disrespect is not one of those things.I have no idea if she will let me know but at this point I am starting to not care.I wish that we had the relationship we had this time last year.Am I being to sensitive about the whole thing?Maybe I should just get over it and move on from the whole thing.
Peace and Love!