Friday, December 30, 2011

Part of my 2011

Well we have made it through another year.It seems like this year flew by us quickly.While this year defiantly had it's good times it also came along with a few not so good time.But we made it through in one piece.For the new year I wish everyone new adventures and happy times.Now on to the good stuff.

*Everyone knows I am a huge music buff.Some would say music whore but that is not the point.This year was a good year in music for me.Now it was no where near 1995 but it came in a distant second maybe even third.But it was a good year in music for me.Here are just a few of my favorites from this year.
Raphael Saadiq:Good Man
Love his music and love is something about him that is oh so sexy but this about the music.

*Jill Scott featuring Paul Wall: So Gone
All I have to say is Jill Scott.I can listen to her albums from beginning to end with no problems.But this one right here is one of my favorites from her.

*J.Cole:Lost Ones
I love his whole cd but it was this song.Evey time I listen to this song I get a little emotional.Don't ask me why because I have never been in this situation.

*Beyonce:Schoolin Life
Now this song right here is my ish.I have dropped my pie crust dancing to this song.It is had this 80s feel to it.All I know is that this song makes you want to sing and dance every time it comes on.

*Now on to something else.I am a big fan of the show Beyond Scared Straight.This has been my favorite part of the show this year.This whole segment was hilarious to me.I know that it was not suppose to be funny but hell it was.

Well that is all I have for now.I am sure I will post something else before the end if the year.Maybe something a little more serious.I am going to leave you with one last video.Most people might be surprised that this is one of my favorite songs.So let's end this post with a classic from T-Pain Booty Wurk.

Peace and Love!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Last week I saw an article on Global Grind about 10 year old Jasmine McClain. For those of you who have not heard or read about the story I will give a quick update.Jasmine McClain hung herself in her bedroom to end the vicious bullying that she endured everyday at school.Her mother found her and tried to save her but it too late.She took her last breath in her mother's arm.I am not a mother and can never feel what she is feeling right now but my heart aches.At 10 years old you should be worried about playing outside, with your dolls and riding your bike.Not suicide.Jasmine lived in Chadbourn, North Carolina with her mother Samantha West.Everyday when she went to school she was teased and bullied.Her mother took out of school for a while and she dreaded going back.At first the police just thought they would treat this as a suicide but then someone showed him comments left on Face Book targeted at Jasmine.This is when Police Chief Steven Shaw decided to take a closer look at the bullying. When are these schools going to take bullying serious? We are hearing about too many kids killing themselves because of bullying.Most teachers and administrators turn a blind eye to it. Someone had to know this child was being bullied. Kids can be cruel to other kids for no reason and that my friend is where the parents come in. But they have found that many of the kids that are bullies have parents that bully.When a person sends their prize possession to school everyday they expect for them to be safe. They don't send them to school to picked on because they don't have clothes that another 10 year old approves of. They send them to school to learn. Yeah you hear kids will be kids but at some point you have to step in and say something.But it can't just be the teacher. The parents have to say something as well. Don't say the kid never said anything. I like to think that as a teacher you are suppose to have control of your classroom at all times. A kid being bullied to the point of a kid committing suicide is not showing much control. They need to have some real consequences for the bullies. Just a few weeks ago here in Chicago some football players were arrested for hazing a freshmen player.The students happily got on camera for the news and said what is the big problem.We have a hazing day at this school.They really need to enforce the zero tolerance rule because this is getting out of control.How many more children are going to have to committee suicide before they decide to take it serious?I have only heard of one case that they actually charged the bullies and that was the Phoebe Price case. She hung herself in her bedroom closet after being bullied at school, through text message and Facebook.No child should be afraid to go to school because of bullying.It breaks my heart to know that when my friends and I children this is something we are going to have to worry about.I pray that something is done to stop this.Don't say my child won't do this because you don't know what your child will do.Teach your child to respect other children.Bullying is never ok.So let's find a way to stop it and keep all our children safe.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Lately I have noticed that many people aren't to happy about the decision I made to be a part of a long distance relationship. I really don't see how this has anything to do with anyone else but let's just roll with it for now.I have heard some crazy things the last couple of weeks.Here are just a few:

"Are you sure you want to do this cause it is crazy?"
"I didn't realized how stupid you were for believing that something like this can work"
"You know he's cheating on you right?"
"How can you really call it a relationship if you don't see each other everyday?"
"You can't find a man here so you are going to try the long distant thing huh?"
"Why do you want to do this to yourself cause you are going to get hurt in the long run?"
"Please just leave your options open" (I think this is my favorite so far.)

I find it very interesting that all of a sudden people are so concerned.I am really confused about this.The part that really gets me is that they bring this up on their own.I thought I had heard it all but the other night was the icing on the cake.I will give you the quick version of the story.This person I dated for a while decided to give me his opinion on my relationship.I guess that is what really got me upset.Why is this topic of discussion?I am not getting the big deal.So while I listened to this person give me all the shade he could find I thought to myself leaving you alone was the best decision I ever made.I can be by myself for the rest of my life and be happy with the fact that this person isn't around.I can understand an ex throwing shade but people who just feel like they need to say something.A long distance relationship may not work for you but it works for us.I think people should be happy for others when they are truly happy.But I guess the new thing is saying hurtful things to people for doing something different with their life.What gives you the right to judge what I am doing?Example of what I am talking about.The guy that made the comment about being stupid said I don't have a real job, I don't have a place to stay of my own, I have two kids and I am just out trying to have some fun.He said I should give him a chance because he is here.So apparently I look desperate because I would have to be to go into a relationship knowing you have nothing to offer.It is so much wrong with that situation right there.Being with someone just because they are here is the wrong reason to go in to a relationship with that person.I think it is sad when people don't respect other peoples decision.I believe that everyone should do what makes them happy.This makes me happy.I may say whatever and play it off but those are some hurtful things to say someone.
I get the fact that you don't like it but let's just agree to disagree.If you do what is best for you, trust me I will do the same for myself.
Peace and Love!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Black Woman

This week alone I have seen several articles and a few video clips on why black women are not married. Then I saw the article where ABC I believe is going to make a show based off of Terri McMillan's manifesto or what ever it about why Black women are single. I see people everyday talking about the Black woman being single and why most will never marry.But just a few minutes ago I was reading a blog and this guy said Black women can not be as open about their sexuality as White women. Hold the hell up. Pump your brakes. Let me turn my music off so I can give this all my attention. Now I know nothing about the person that wrote that but it is clear that he has some issues that he needs to work out. A Black woman has just as much right to open with her sexuality as a White woman. I am so over all this talk about what we need to do to get a man and why we are single. For those that want to date inter racially than go right a head but most of us make the choice not to. I prefer to be in a relationship with a Black man. So that should not stop me from being in a relationship. I don't want advice from any of the people handing out advice like it is candy. I know Black women who are not open with their sexuality and that is their choice. But for those that make the choice to be open should not be called every name in the book. As a Black woman I must saw that we have other issues that need to be looked at before we spend all our time worried about some jerk talking crazy. I got a little side tracked. It is so many other things we need to be talking about. We don't need hour long specials on CNN or other news networks to talk about this. Worry about the kids that are being bullied and killing themselves. Worry about the people living on the streets. Worry about getting the soldiers back home safe. This topic of the Black woman is not a issue. They make it seem like it something wrong with us damn. I can't even deal with this today because it makes me upset. Why do we have to be compared to women of other races all the time? We are all different. Live different lifestyles. Get over it cause we have.
Peace and Love!

Friday, October 21, 2011

Some of This Some of That

*This week has been a little crazy.Crazy weather here in Chicago.My thoughts have been all over the place.So theses are my random thoughts.

*I have been going back and forth with the idea of working on a new project.So I decided to write down all the ideas I wanted to put into this one things but that won't be happening.It is extremely too much to go into one thing.So it will be broken up into two maybe three different things.Now I have to figure out how this is going to work and where am I going to start.I need to get this thing organized as soon as possible.That is my goal for the weekend.I am going to push through my laziness and get it done.

*While my minds runs a thousand miles a minute I also came up with another idea.This one I am going to keep to myself.It is a huge undertaking but I am up for the challenge.Right now I am in the process of doing all my research.But I am so excited about it.Will update later:)

*Yesterday I wrote a blog about the 14 year old video taped with the young man.Wait a minute that was day before yesterday.This morning I got a article about it this morning.When I say I got pissed the hell off I can't even explain it in words.I had to take a minute to calm down.But that is not the point of what I am about to say.I am so tired of these grown people sitting up on their high horse looking down passing judgement on this little girl.Key word is little girl. I would like to know who died and made you God because that memo didn't make it to my desk.No body is saying that she shouldn't take responsibility for what she did.But at the same time the little boys that put it on the Internet need to be held responsible for what they did.Child please, people kill me looking down on someone else when they have done worse.That is enough of my rant on that.

*This getting to know my favorite guy all over again has been fun.I really like this feeling.He makes me smile everyday.

*Today I got an email from one of my favorite poets.I almost passed out but I was at work so I had to pull it together.I didn't expect to hear back from her but I was wrong.Still on top of the world about that.

*The other day I posted the trailer for a new documentary coming out soon.This morning someone commented on the link and it really confused me at first.I was having a moment lol.But anyway I couldn't disagree more.Basically she said that we shouldn't put the father's on blast because it won't make them be men and we always have our heavenly father.True we do have our heavenly father with us all the time and he gives direction when we need it.But I do think deadbeat fathers need to watch this documentary so they can see how it hurts the daughters.It shows the long term effects it has on these girls.Maybe because I grew up without my father I can relate to how they feel.We need more earthly fathers to be involved with their kids.That is all I have to say about that.
Peace and Love!!!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Janks Morton

I am a big fan of documentaries.So I spend a lot of my free time finding new and interesting ones to watch.Earlier this year I heard about a documentary on Twitter called We Need to Talk by Janks Morton.It was late so I thought I would watch it.Changed my life.This was one of the best documentaries I had seen in a while.In this documentary he interviewed a group of women.Younger and older women.But each story was one that someone my age or younger could relate to.I think all women should watch this documentary.It really made me think about some the things I have done and how it has had a impact on my life.

I am waiting for his new documentary.He is talking to young girls about growing up without their father and how that has shaped their life.I can relate to these young ladies because I grew up with out my father as well.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

It Could Have Been You

I told myself I wasn't going to write about this but I keep hearing about it so here I am.Sometimes between Sunday night and Monday morning a sex tape hit the world of twitter.I won't mention the young girls name but I will give you some details of what happened.A 14 year old girl was video taped performing oral sex on a teenage boy outside.It is so many things I can say about this situation.It later came out that this young lady did not know that she was being taped.Automatically people started to talk about this little girl and call her everything but a child of God.That was my first problem with the whole situation.The people making these comments were grown.Men talking about how good she was at it and women called her a whore.First of all why is a grown person watching a sex tape of a 14 year old girl.I hope that the police arrest every person that watched that tape.It is called child pornography.Secondly the little boys in this situation.This girl was not the only one there.She only played a part in this.They need to be held responsible for what they did just like she does.Don't let them off the hook because they are boys.Boys have to be held responsible for these type of situations as well.Make the young lady feel like crap and praise the young man.Not right.Everyone wants to place the blame on someone.Let's start by saying that yes she should be responsible for what she did.No she shouldn't have been doing what she did.You are 14 years and it is no need to rush into any type of sexual relationship.Instead of people talking about her they should have been giving here advice and telling her that it would be ok.Instead you have grown women bullying a child.That is the problem I see in our community.The black community.We are so quick to judge the other person be it a child or another adult.Take about what the other person is doing and why it so wrong.Someone said that she has to be her own role model.Now to me that doesn't make much sense.What does a 14 year know about life?No matter how hard of a life they have had they still need someone to give them guidance.No one knows what her life is like at home and what she has been through.Then it went into her role models and why she shouldn't look up to celebrities.We live in a over sexed world,where people become famous for having a sex tape.It is all put out there for our kids to see.So what do we really expect when things like this happens.She made a mistake for a little boy that she liked.A mistake that she didn't know would end up on the Internet for perverts to look at.Who are we to sit here and judge her and her family?She could come from a good family.It is a lot of things that we don't know about this story.When you are young you do stupid things that later you look back and say I shouldn't have done.At some point in our life we do something stupid for someone we really like or love.Some the people doing the judging have done something worse than what she has done.Stop dogging her out and help her.Show her the right way to go.Give her advice on how to get over this.It is clear that she needs help.It is sad that she has to learn this lesson at such a young age but when this is all over she will have learned a valuable lesson.I just hope that she surrounds herself with positive people that will help her through this.This is what I am talking about when I say we need to do more things to help our children.I plan to do something that help some young girl out there not make the same mistake.Just leave her alone because it could have been you in this situation.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Just a Moment

Every year on this date I always get this uneasy feeling.Like something is going to happen beyond my control.On this day 16 years ago I lost two very important people in my life.It is not often that I talk about it to people because sometimes I get this you should be over it response from people.But do you ever get over something so traumatic.I think we learn to live with it but no we never really get over things like that.We just go on with our normal everyday life and try not to think about those things.Well at least that is what I did.I learned to busy my mind.No one will never understand what that was like for us.A lot of people were hurt that day.I have no idea how anyone feels on this day but my heart aches.I wrote about this once before.I said that my friend never got the chance to live a full life.She never got to experience high school, college, a real boyfriend or to travel the world.All the things she wanted to do we take for granted everyday.We take the little things for granted.We rush through life so fast sometimes that we miss out on the little things.Sometime we should just slow down and take in the moment.Just stop and breathe.Life is not meant to be run through so fast that you miss the little moments.This day also reminds me to tell the people in my life that love them.I know that it doesn't come out often.But I love them more than words could ever describe.Take time out of your day to say I love you or just a simple a hug to those around you.It also takes me back to those carefree days when the world was a innocent place to me.I know that it was nothing I could do to change what happen.So I live everyday for the both of us.I do the things that we had planned to do together.I say all of this to say don't take life for granted.Don't think the people in your life will always be there when you want to them to be.Cherish every moment with them.Stop and smell the flowers sometime.Don't over look the little moments in life.It is those little moments that make things worth while.Love you all!!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Letter To My Future Unborn Child

Dear Totally Awesome Future Child of Mine,

I will start off my inducing myself to you.I am only the greatest person you will ever meet.I am your future Mommy!I never thought I would be a person to sit down and write a letter to my future unborn child.But here I am.Let me start off by saying that you are the greatest gift I will ever receive.Nothing in the world will compare to what you will mean to me.It has been a long road getting you here but I did everything that I could to make sure that you made it.I want you to know that I have dreamed of you for a long time.So meeting you and seeing that little face will be very emotional for me.I am sure that it is emotional for all mothers.Let me tell you why I am writing this letter to you.I want you to know that your future mommy is doing everything that she can to get ready for you.I want you to have the best that the world has to offer.I am sure all parents want this for their children but you are my hope.I look forward to going through a pregnancy.I look forward to teaching you how to walk and feed yourself.It is so much that I want to teach you.I want you to play sports and a instrument.Learn another language.Read poetry.I want you to be comfortable in who you are.Don't be afraid to take chances and just step out on faith.Find something you love to do and do it.Don't worry about what anyone else has to say.You will be born into a home of love and excitement.You will figure out over time that your parents are little eccentric.We like to do things different than most people.I also promise to let you have your way sometimes.To let you wear your halloween costume to the grocery store.Wear something that you picked out.Sleep in the bed with us when you are scared.Have weekly movie night.Celebrate your birthday every year.But the real reason I wrote you this letter was to say that I can not wait to meet you little one.I can't wait for us to start on our journey together.

Peace and Love

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Troy Davis

"The struggle for justice doesn't end with me. This struggle is for all the Troy Davises who came before me and all the ones who will come after me. I'm in good spirits and I'm prayerful and at peace." Troy Davis

Right now in a Georgia Prison a man by the name of Troy Davis is getting ready to be put to death at 7pm tonight.I know some people might not know who this man is.Troy Davis has been on death row in Georgia for the last twenty years.In 1991 Davis was convicted of the murder of police officer Mark MacPhail.Let me start off by saying that my heart does go out to the victims family.I have lost people in my life to violence so I know the hurt that you feel.Now on to Troy Davis.In August of 1989 Davis was arrested for the shooting of Mark MacPhail.It is said that MacPhail went into the parking lot of the Burger King he was working security for to help a homeless man by the name of Larry Young.This man was arguing in the parking lot with Sylvester "Redd" Coles over a beer.MacPhail went out to help Larry Young.Two shots were fired and MacPhail was killed.No physical evidence was ever retrieved from the crime scene. In the beginning of this case one of the main suspects was Sylvester "Redd" Coles until he decided to tell them that he had seen Davis with a gun.It has been said that Cole was heard around town saying that he was in fact the one that killed MacPhail.Davis was arrested and charged with murder.August 30,1991 a jury recommended the death penalty for Troy Davis.No physical evidence linking him to crime was ever found.Seven of the nine witnesses have seen recanted or contradicted the testimony given in the trail.You would think that with all this doubt that he would be allowed a new trail.Not the case in the state of Georgia.Every appeal has been denied.He has not been giving the chance to prove his innocent.They keep saying that he should have proved his innocence the first time around.Heartless.Now we are less that 15 mins from this man being put to death.I have a question for our lovely judicial system.Who and what gives you the right to say when someone has to die?You are not God.You are just a man who happens to have a little power.It is a chance that you can put to death a innocent man.What happens if you later find out that he was innocent?All you are going to do is give his family a sad I am sorry and not really mean it.Maybe give them some money and hope that makes it ok.Trust me it won't make them feel any better. This man will not get back the twenty years of his life that he spent in jail.As much as people like to say that race has nothing to do with this I think that it does.Let's not forget this is the deep south.In our minds we like to think that those days of racism is over but it is not.We still live in a world where race is a big problem.So you have to take all of this into consideration.But no has done that.This is about all the Troy Davis' out there in the world.Trust me he is not the first person to be in this situation.I hear and see people say that he was tired and found guilty.Yes he was tired and found guilty but was it a fair trail.They have no evidence linking this man to this murder.Yes it is sad that a man lost his life but does a innocent man have to be killed for something he did not do.I am all for people taking responsibility for the crimes they commit but put a person away for something they didn't do.I know that I may be a little all over the place with this post but it is upsetting me that this is the world I live in.We live in a world where a fight between Ray J and Fabolous gets more airtime than this serious issue.The people in my generation are ignorant to the issues going on around them.They make comments not realizing that it could be them in this very situation right now.This is the world that my children will be born into.They will be born into a world where they kill innocent people.They will be born into a world were you can spend 20 years in jail without having a fair trail.It breaks my heart that a man can lose his life with this much doubt.If you have an ounce of doubt than you shouldn't put this man to death.But you are.It is a sad day in this world when things like this happen.We have to pray that that situations like these won't happen again.But we also have to fight to get the changes we want.That means going out to vote, jury duty and getting involved with organizations against this issue.No I didn't know Troy Davis personally but it could have me or you in that Georgia jail tonight.After the last appeal was denied one of the news reporters said that Troy Davis will be put down now.You say put down like is a animal or something.The media is cold.How do they think that sounds?One of the things I laughed at was they said they had to cut into his last visit with this family so he could get a physical.Yes you read that right.They gave him a physical to make sure he was healthy enough to kill.Bullshit!!!!The mother of the victim said I just want some peace.You aren't going to peace in this mans death.You are still going to think about your son and miss him.No man has the right to take the life of another man.In the future I hope I am never a witness to something this disgraceful again.I hope that my future children will never witness something like this horrible.Pray and asked that both families be covered with his grace.
Peace and Love!

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Where Do We Stand?

Last month I wrote about my Favorite Guy.I have no idea where are going to go or what is going to happen between us sometimes.But it is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and all the things we could have together.Sometimes I feel like we lose each other in our everyday life since we don't live in the same place.Lately I haven't been as happy as I could be with us.I felt like I needed more from him and I needed to know where we stand as of this moment.Where are we going to go from here? Are we going to continue to try and make a relationship happen or walk away as friends?I needed to know what his plan is and I needed to know now.You guys are seeing that I am sometimes impatient and a little bratty.So I decided to write him a email and put it all out on the table.Anyone that really knows me will tell you how hard that was for me to do.I am just not the emotional girl.I have a confession to make.I have been a bitch to him at times.I am sorry for that.I am sorry for not always being the best person I can be sometimes.It was all out in the open for him to know how I felt.I needed to get it out my system before I burst open.After I pressed the send button I wished I could take it back just in case he decided that it was not working anymore.But that is not the case.All I am going to say is that I am going to start planning my trip to visit within the next six months.No idea where are going to go yet or the exact date.But we are going to try to make this thing work.For once I am ready to pull my sleeves up and do all that I have to do to make it work.In the near future if that means a move I will be open to that.I might have even shed a tear while I talked to him about this earlier.Please don't think you can test my gangsta now lol.But all that is besides the point.Once I was talking to one of my really good friends and her mom gave us both a little advice.She said when you are 80 years old is that the person you want to see next to your hospital bed or next to you in your rocking chairs.If you don't see that person than you need to think about moving on.But if you do get ready to fight for it.It won't be easy to get there but at the end of the day it will be worth it.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Today while I was at work I watched the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial. She was found not guilty on all the serious charges against her.Should she have been guilty on neglect charges? Yes she should have.How does a mother go 31 days not knowing where their child is? In those 31 days she was seen partying and having a good time.She may not be guilty of murder but she is most defiantly guilty of neglecting to find her child.I am not a mother yet but I don't think I could that long not know where my child is.What I am not getting is how does someone lie about her daughter missing and she was later found murdered get off without any punishment? Where is the justice for Caylee? Who is going to be her voice in all this? Who will fight to find out who did this to her? Pictures of attorney's celebrating at a bar after the verdict is disgusting to watch.What do you have to celebrate?A little girl lost her life and no no one knows what happen to her.That is not justice for Caylee.After the verdict was read a lot of people took to their Twitter and Facebook accounts to say how they felt. Some of the things that people said was just ignorance. One of the things that stuck out to me the most was people using the race card. I don't see this as a black or white thing.I see this as a abuse thing. Abuse is not just for one race.I have to say this and some people may not agree with me but I do not care.I need my black people to stop pulling the race card as their defense for everything.This was not the OJ Simpson case.If you want to play the race card did these claiming race was the issue stand up for Shaniya Davis.Where were they during the trial for Nixzmary Brown? Oh I am sorry they don't know who these children are.Shaniya Davis was sold by her mother to cover a drug debt.Days later her body was found on the side of the road.She had been beaten and raped.Shaniya was five years old.Nixzmary Brown was beaten to death by her mother and her boyfriend.She was eight years old.Maybe it is just me but I don't see race in any of these cases.I see three little girls that lost their life at the hands of people that were suppose to love them.The parent may not have done the murder but they know something about what happened to them. Three different cases but they all have the same outcome.Three little girls lost their life way too early.

People are missing the real point.Children are being abused and murdered.For people to say that I shouldn't care because I am black is ignorant. I have a heart. A child should never die a horrible death at the hands of a parent.People need to stop saying it is not my problem.How would you feel if it was your child? We all have a responsibility. Not many people believe this but it takes a village to raise a child. We sit around and watch children be mistreated.Not right.They don't ask to be here.The adults makes the decision to bring them into this world.Three little girls aged 3,5 and 8 years old lost their life at the hands of people that were suppose to love them.Who fights for them? Think about that for minute.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

My Favorite Guy

I can not tell you the exact day we met or how we met.It seems like one day out of no where he appeared.When we are together or someone asks us how did you meet.We always give this unsure look saying we don't remember.All I know is that we have been a constant thing in each others life for the last six years.Yes six long years.But I would not change a thing about ever so twisted relationship.Not twisted in a bad way but twisted none the less.Over 99.5% of this relationship has been over the phone,email and most recently skype.He teaches in Korea.People always say you are crazy cause it is no way I would even try a long distance relationship.I am not going to sit here and tell you that it is easy because it is not.We do get mad at each other and stop speaking.We both have dated other people during this time.But at the end of the day we always come back to each other.We always figure it out.Well most of the time it is something silly to begin with.One day while I was having a conversation with one of my friends she asked me why I choose to be alone. I don't see it as being alone.Yes we are apart most of the time.We go to things alone or with a friend.Physically we are not together.But I am not alone.I know plenty of people in relationships with people that are here and are alone.Being together is more than being together physically.Our connection is more than anything we could ever have physically.Most people will never understand it and that is the way I like it.We balance each other out.Sometimes I can be bratty, difficult and annoying.During those times he never gets upset or annoyed.He always says the same thing well what do you want me to do Toya?When we are together I feel safe.No matter what we are doing or where we are going.We can finish what the other started like we were the one doing it all along.Over the years we have seen each other through some rough times.No matter what happens I can always count on him to help me through it.I have always been there with him.Will always be there for him.He makes my heart smile on days that I don't think it can.I am not the girl to talk about how I feel all the time.But I felt like I should let him know that he is my favorite guy even on his bad days.Everyday I learn something new about him.We always say that our connection has been strong since the first time we talked.I am not mushy or romantic with him.But you are my superman.I just want to say that you're my dreamer.Anything is possible with you.

Peace and Love!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Making A Connection

The last couple of months have been a test for me.Back in February I lost a really close friend and then in March I lose one of my aunts.While I know they were both sick I would also like to have them here with me.It has never been a time when I could get them or call just to see how they were. This has had me thinking a lot about my family and the relationships that I have with them. It really got me to thinking about the relationship I have with my siblings. When I say siblings I am not talking about my two older sister and twin brother.I am talking about the siblings I have from my father. Last year I reached out to my older brother and we have been getting to know each other.I know some people feel like I should just leave it alone and go ahead with my life. Yes I have lived my life with out having any relationship with them but that was not our decision. My father made decisions that were not good us or himself. We have had to deal with the fact that the choices my father made has had an effect on all of us.We were not given the option to know each other.Now I feel like we have can make that decision for ourselves.In my mind I would love for us to be one big happy family but I don't think that is going to happen. Reality is we may never have a close relationship with each other. I have learned that we have a lot of things in common. I have more nieces and nephews to get to know and love. One day I hope that all of my siblings will be able to be in one place as a family.
Peace and Love

Monday, March 7, 2011

Timothy Bloom - 'Til The End Of Time ft. V

I am loving this song right now.We need more real music.

I Couldn't Make You Love Me

I usually don't write about things that are really personal to me. But tonight I am going to just write. Today I received a phone call from someone that I decided to remove from my life for so many different reasons.This person and I dated on and off for a while. But it came a point that I realized that I could not do it anymore.I could not deal with the stress connected to this person. Not even as a friend. I use to say that I would never end up in that type of relationship but I did. I put up with way more than one person should have to. Our whole relationship was built on broken promises, selfishness and lies. I am not going to lie and say we didn't have some good moments because we did. When I wanted it to work you were not interested. You were busy doing your own thing. You were busy doing you as you would say. I couldn't make you love me. I couldn't make you want me. I couldn't make you be a good person. At the time it hurt but I have realized you are not worth it. As I listened to you talk today I knew I had made the right decision for me. Making that decision opened the door for a really good person to come in and I am happy. I don't know what is going to happen with this person but everyday I wake up with a smile on my face. I am at my best with him. Sometimes we have to let the bad go in order to let the good in.Even if it is for a little while I am going to enjoy it. I want you to remember this feeling the next time you want to play a game with someone else's feelings.I want you to understand that the world does not revolve around you.
Peace and Love!

Tank - I Can't Make You Love Me [Official Music Video]

Have A Little Faith

Those that know me would say that I am not one to push my religious belief onto anyone. I have a thing where I will tell people about what I believe in and if you are not interested that is the end of the conversation for me. We are all entitled to the right to believe whatever we want.I just think you should believe in something. I have gone to a Baptist church all of my life. But I am also open to other religions. I do spend a lot of time reading up on them and seeing how they work. We all need to have a little faith in something. We need to believe that it is something bigger out there than man. I will admit that I have questioned my faith but at the end of it all I still believed that it is a God out there. I have friends and even some family members that say they don't believe because God didn't answer a specific prayer. Well I don't think it works that way. Sometimes we only pray to God when we need something. You also have to do some work when you pray. Sometimes when my faith is feeling a little shaky I think about the people in my life. Some of them have endless faith in God. Nothing stops them from giving thanks.One of my aunts has cancer. Some days she feels good and other days not so much but every Sunday that she is able she goes to church. She says that I believe in my heart that I am going to be ok cause I have prayed and put it in God's hands. Some people would have gave up but she didn't. In the bible it says all you need is the faith the size of a mustard seed. When you think the actual size of a mustard seed,God is not asking a lot out of you. That means that you should not be afraid to gave him praise. You should be about to give the God you serve praise any where you are. If someone or something can not except your belief in God than that was not the situation for you. Once I was listening to Rev.Jamal Bryant and he said you should not be afraid to dance for your God.If you have to walk it out for him than you do so.If you have to whop it out for Jesus than you whop it out to the best of your ability. As long you put your best self forward to him than you are going to be ok. Now I realize that some people may not feel the way I feel but I say believe in something. I made the decision to believe in God a long time ago. I am not perfect in my faith but everyday is a learning experience for me. I know that he sees I am trying to live a life that would please him. Do you have faith?
Peace and Love!

Friday, February 4, 2011

We Need to Talk

Last weekend I took the time to watch a documentary called We Need to Talk.10 black women were asked to tell their story.But throughout the documentary they were asking random women who was their first love and did it last.At first I wondered what is the point of this but it all came together at the end.These 10 women talked about how relationship choices they made as young women impacted their live has an adult.They talked about everything from abusive relationships, rape, sex and abortion. While watching I saw myself in one a few of the women.I think that we all would see our self in some of these women.Growing up we want to be grown so bad that we don't realized the decisions we are making will have a big impact on our life later.I decided to write this because I know a young lady that is making decisions now that will effect the rest of her life.All that matters is she's in love and no one can stop it.Let's be honest with ourselves for a minute.How many of us actually end up with our first love? Not many.I am not saying that you give up on it but I am saying don't let that become your world. Don't change your life plans. Keep planning to go away to school and to travel.It really got me to thinking about the choices I have made in my life so far.Some have not been the best.Others have been great.I realize how careless I was being at one time.I just didn't care.I never really gave my mom a hard time.While I was in high school I wasn't having sex or going out with a lot of different guys.I was really in my own little world back then.I didn't have my first real love until I was grown.Let's just say that I sometimes I wish I could take it all back and start over.I could have easily been one of the women in that documentary.Yeah we had a good time together but at the end of it all it was a toxic relationship.Certain parts of my life started to fall apart.I was becoming so wrapped up in what he wanted that I lost a piece of myself.Yes it took me a while to figure it out but when I got away it was like the weight had been lifted off my shoulders.I want to tell her be careful.Slow done because if it is meant to be than he will be right there waiting.If he can't understand that you have a life away from him than maybe he is not the one for you.You don't have to broadcast your relationship to the world because that is when people put themselves in your relationship.Never disrespect your parents for anyone because without them you wouldn't have t he life you have now.Finally don't rush into sex.Yeah I know you think you are grown but you are not ready to deal with the emotions that come after.Wait for it because sometimes the results will last you a lifetime.One ladies stuck out to me.I think this is something a lot of I think I am grown teenagers need to see.When you are grown you have to handle your problem like a grown person would.You can't run home for mom and dad to fix the problem.I know that we all have to make mistakes but some we can prevent from happening.Listen to the people around and their story because it might help.
Peace and Love!

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Favorite Artist

I don't listen to what art critics say. I don't know anybody who needs a critic to find out what art is.
Jean Michel Basquiat

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


Back in October I finally finished a project that I had been working on forever. Well it seemed like forever. While working on the research I realized that I needed to deal with some of these issues myself. I wanted to put something together for teenage girls dealing with self esteem and body image. When I first started I only focused on the two but the more I research the more questions I had. What causes poor self esteem and body image? What effects does this have on ones life? These things got me to thinking about myself.So I took some time to look at my myself and figure some things out. While some things were a little harder to talk about I worked my way through it.It made me take some time to think about my life and the direction it is taking. I took time to look at some the choices I have made for myself. I would change a few things but so far I am happy with every choice I have made for myself.I am in a happy place right now.I am happy with every part of me. It was a long road to get here but I am here. Learning to live with yourself and enjoy your own company is a great thing. How can you enjoy the company of someone else if you don't enjoy the company of yourself? Learn to bask in your own glory.Have those fresh breath moments with yourself.I know that working on some issues may be harder to do for others but it something that you have to do eventually.Taking the time to work on me was one of the best things I could have done for myself.
Peace and Love :)